Welcome back to The Show and we are in Pensacola Florida today at the Pensacola Beach Yacht Club and yesterday we were at the World Famous Flora-Bama Lounge and the last time I saw the owners Big John and Little John they where on their motor yacht with the Flora Bama flag flying on top down in the Keys at the Faro Blanco Yacht Club in Marathon FL for the Victoria Yacht Cruising Club Derby Day Party and I bought a round of Mint Julep shots for the whole dang place and the Yacht Club has been totally rebuilt and is a beautiful resort now and I recommend it highly. It receives the Blow Fish Stamp of Approval and the Aqua Bar and Grill in downtown Naples where the tourist special is 2 entrees for $39.95 with a free bottle of wine and the poison is in the wine and the niggers dick is in Gene Luciano’s asshole does not. So if the Bale Maker is the owner of the Flora Bama I will have to wait until I get down to the Keys and meet up with Big John and his son Little John and I said I would be setting up friends and relatives and their children and so I would like to introduce my cousin or one of my cousins to the show from Pensacola Florida. Please welcome Greenburg.
Greenburg: Why am I calling in. I don’t know what you want buddy.
Blow Fish: Well I wanted to dedicate this song today to you since you turned me on to it as you say and I want you to notice that it is the Crosby Stills Nash original version and not that horrible rendition slaughtered by Jimmy Buffet. And I have used one of your catch phases. So how is the fish slaughtering going since you moved back to Pensacola you being the waterfront expert and all?
Greenburg: Well I have been catching some small bass across the street from the house but they are really too small so I just throw them back.
Blow Fish: I thought you would be fishing in the bill fish tournaments by now and bringing in some big ole blue marlines.
Greenburg: No I’m married and have children and just hang around the house and do things with the kids.
Blow Fish: I though you would have had a little more information about the fishing in Pensacola it being something of a sleepy little fishing village.
Greenburg: I think you have Pensacola confused with Destin FL. It’s the sleepy little fishing village with a big drinking problem.
Blow Fish: Then what the hell is Pensacola’s claim to fame?
Greenburg: I don’t know I just hang out around the house and play cards on Thursday night with the boys and that’s about it.
Blowfish: Well that sounds exciting tell me more about that.
Greenburg: It’s not a big deal. A few guys come over and we play poker and have a few drinks and go outside, smoke a joint and then count up the chips and divvy up the winnings and everyone goes home. We’ve been playing for over 30 years every Thursday night.
Blow Fish: My goodness that is quit a tradition. I know another guy in Pensacola that has had an on going poker game that’s been running longer than that.
Greenburg: You must be mistaken. My game is the longest running poker game in Pensacola. It’s been running for actually over 40 years.
Blow Fish: This other guy’s game has run for over 50 years. Have you heard of Dean Baird?
Greenburg: Of course. I guess his game has probably been running longer than our game.
Blow Fish: Now you said our. Exactly how does the our work?
Greenburg: Well we all play together and the game moves from one house to the next and when we play on Thursday night we decide where we will play next Thursday night and so on and so forth.
Blow Fish: Now it’s funny you should say so on and so forth because one of the our in Deano’s game is Fred Levin.
Greenburg: I have heard that Fred Levin and Dean Baird play cards together. I don’t think that’s a secret.
Blow Fish: So what makes it legal for you guys to run these illegal gambling games when the Indians are suppose to be the only ones having casinos in Florida? I mean they are God’s chosen gaming houses or tents or whatever they call casinos in Florida.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish you son of a bitch I know where you are going with this. I am not connected with illegal gaming in Florida I leave that to my buddy in North Naples so leave me out of this.
Blow Fish: Geno I know that, I’m working my way down the Gulf Coast of Florida on this my Tiki Bar Tour and I’m at the Tiki Bar in Pensacola Beach called Captain Fun today and I’m looking for the Bale Maker here and I will work my way down to get your sorry asshole and your buddy in North Naples that is running a good gabbling business and has more prostitutes than you will ever have.
Gene Luciano: I have more whores than that son of bitch. I have whores in Naples and Boca Baton and Miami and you need to leave them the fuck alone because they don’t make any money giving you those freebees and then I have to beat the holy shit out of them or have Marty the Rooster beat the holy shit out of them and leave my porn business alone too. I hear you talking about porn and I know you’re tying me to that too.
Blow Fish: Well Geno do you have any further confessions or snitching this morning because it’s going to be a long day and I know you want to kill somebody today so let me get back to Greenburg here and you will get a chance to kill somebody later. Just hang on. It’s going to be a long day.
Greenburg: That’s a line from the movie Get Shorty.
Blow Fish: Wow that was really close buddy. That’s from Be Cool. So I guess I can still post that naked photo I have of you dressed up like a sumo wrestler on the internet if you can’t come up with a better guess than that.
Greenburg: What the hell? Are you black mailing me with a photograph of me dressed as a sumo wrestler?
Blow Fish: No I will leave the black mailing to Deano. I was just saying that if you don’t want to see your sumo wrestling ass on the internet you better come up with a better guess next time. And Terri Lynn is calling.
Terri Lynn: Honey I asked you to call the plastic surgeon and ask him to replace my implants with larger implants. Lauren still thinks her boobs are bigger. Have you made that call I hate to bug you but it’s important.
Gene Luciano: What’s she want you to buy her bigger boobs. You didn’t tell her I stole all your money?
Blow Fish: Geno you hadn’t gotten a dime yet. My boat is tied up in an investigation into my disappearance because you told the press I was dead and Bob Taylor has the real estate and cash tied up and holding it for his boss in Atlanta and not you so it doesn’t look like you’re getting a dime you dumb ass son of a bitch.
Gene Luciano: Well then why am I calling in? I thought I was killing you for your money.
Blow Fish: You’re calling in and trying to kill me because I set you up and pissed you off and you are going to kill me in about 142 different ways just to save face right?
Gene Luciano: That’s right I have to save face because you have insulted my number 1 wife Julie and my number 2 wife and me and everyone that works for me and threatened to kill them all and made a fool out of me and are threatening to put that photo of my asshole on the internet and now I am madder than shit and going to blow your little blow fish brains all over town so I’m on my way.
Terri Lynn: I hope that wasn’t my fault. He really went off on you.
Blow Fish: I will drop what I’m doing right now sweetie and take care of that and get back to you.
Terri Lynn: Thank you honey!
Swan Center for Plastic Surgery: Hello Mr. Blow Fish and how are you doing? So you have finally gotten around to giving me a call. I can not believe it. Are you in town?
Blow Fish: No it’s not like that. I’m on my Tiki Bar Tour down on the Gulf Coast of Florida setting up a bunch of dumbass Bubbas, relatives, friends, lovers, criminals and their children and plus the churches and the Barr, Baird, Revard or Prevard families or something like that and my goodness that is a plate full. But see the reason I called is that Terri Lynn just keeps harassing me about the size of her big ole plastic titties and they just look perfect to me and always a real source of entertainment and I have had hours of fun with them but she says her girl friend’s boobs are bigger than her’s and I have seen her boobs and they are huge and I guess she is embarrassed when they get naked to have sex with each other and I was wondering if you could answer a question for me?
Swan Center for Plastic Surgery: Yes Mr. Blow Fish I will try and help.
Blow Fish: Well if you take Skank, and put boobs on it doesn’t that give you a Lady?
Swan Center for Plastic Surgery: I’m afraid not sir. It actually has the opposite effect so if you think that bigger boobs will help, it will not.
Blow Fish: Well I guess I am just stuck with Boobs on Skank then. Thanks anyway. What the hell was I thinking?
Terri Lynn sweetie I did call the plastic surgeon’s office and told them that you aren’t happy with the size of your big ole plastic titties that I bought for you and I explained that your girl friend’s boobs are bigger and they explained that bigger boobs won’t help and there is nothing they can do.
Terri Lynn: Well thanks for calling them anyway. I thought it was worth a try. Well have fun on your Tiki Bar Tour and hurry home. Bye.
Blow Fish: Now let’s see what Jimmy Buffet is up to today. Ladies and Gentleman please welcome the musical guest of the day Mr. Jimmy Buffet.
Jimmy Buffet: Well thank you, thank you and what the hell are we listening to. That’s not one of my songs. That’s a fucking Crosby Steels Nash and Young song.
Blow Fish: No it’s not but that was a good guess. It’s Southern Cross by Crosby Steels and Nash. I guess I will still be showing those naked pictures of you on the internet too. And thank you for calling in and please stop stealing songs from talented artist and my friends and slaudering them like what Greenburg does to those tiny little bass fishies.
The Long Arm of the Law: I know what this song is about. Its about the sexual position called The Southern Cross. That’s where the girl gets on the bottom facing North and makes an L with her legs and the man gets on top and makes an L with his legs and he screws her from the South and they make a cross.
Jimmy Buffet: What the hell are you talking about? I don’t think that is even possible and is that all you need me for? You don’t need my help with those drug smugglers or gamblers or Geno or anyone.
Gene Luciano: All right guitar boy I’ve been waiting for a good excuse to blow your fucking brains out. You think you can open a Margaritaville in Naples Florida without my help, well no you can’t so to teach you a lesson you better bring me $20,000. by noon or either I’m going to charge a late charge of $2000. per minute until you do so you better get your fucking ass in gear and bring me the principal and vig before the end of the day or I will send the Rooster over there to deal with you or an enforcer and who can I send?
Blow Fish: Hey Geno why don’t you send over that really stupid kid that looks like that Lurch character from the James Bonds movie.
Geno: His name is Jaws not Lurch you dumb son of a bitch now I’m putting your naked pictures on the internet and I have one of you and my wife Julie going at it on your sofa in your living room. Don’t you know to close the fucking curtains?
Blow Fish: I don’t give a shit if you spy on me Geno I just don’t like pepping toms. They are just like any other pervert to me so show your fucking photo or show me fucking Julie photo or better yet why don’t I show your ass so that the niggers in the state pen can see what they have to look forward to because I am sick of looking at it and Julie would you please cut his fucking balls off, they are hanging down to his knees and I don’t think he is using them anymore anyway.
Julie: Blow Fish I have tried to but he won’t let me. I am so tired of those damn things hitting me in the forehead I won’t do another 69 with him until he gets them removed.
Blow Fish: That’s what he has shared me as well so just go down there and snip them off. He can’t have any feeling left down there.
Terri Lynn: Honey if you don’t stop fucking that whore Julie and all of Gene Luciano’s prostitutes for free then I am going to cut your balls off and keep them in a jar over here at Maurice’s house for safe keeping.
Blue Balls: Who is it with the numb nuts? He sounds like my kind of guy. Is it Geno? I will take those numb nuts and put them in my mouth and swallow those little balls until he comes.
Gene Luciano: That sounds wonderful who the hell is she Blow Fish that’s not a good church girl.
Blow Fish: Geno you don’t know what a good church girl sounds like so why the fuck do you keep using that fucking expression and besides she called you Geno so put that sorry fucking X wife of mine on your hit list.
Gene Luciano: That’s OK if she keeps talking dirty to me. What’s next sweetheart after you suck on my numb nuts.
Blue Balls: That’s all they will just be blue balls because that’s why I’m called Blue Balls on the blog because I’m not good for nothing but fucking blue balls.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish I’m going to put a fucking bullet in that Bitch’s fucking ass. She is fucking worthless.
Blow Fish: I would put one in her pie hole first so she will shut up. Her butts so big if you shoot her there first you will have to listen to her bitch while she fucking bleeds to death.
I would like to remind everyone that this is just a fantasy blog that is just for fun and not real but based on fact and all the names have been changed to protect the innocent but no one is innocent on this blog, they are all guilty as hell and this is just an expression of my free speech protected by the 5th amendment and just for entertainment and that would be my entertainment and your ass is on the line so if you don’t like what you are hearing on this radio talk show then just move your ass on to the next radio station.
Jimmy Buffet: For the love of God would you people please calm down why don’t you put on one of my love songs like Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw.
Blow Fish: That’s not going to happen. I’m starting a petition to have that song banned from the hit list or added to Gene’s hit list. According to the Planned Parenthood Center that song is responsible for more unplanned births that any other song in the history of music.
Lynne Lane: Did I hear something about me having another baby. I just love having babies. I mean I just love giving birth but not caring for them but just the having sex and then getting pregnant but not raising the little precious things. But I will have sex with anyone and get pregnant so just let me know if anyone wants to get me pregnant.
Gene Luciano: What the fuck is her problem Blow Fish.
Blow Fish: She’s just a stupid whore that doesn’t understand how birth control works or raising children works.
Gene Luciano: Is that the mother of your children that I threatened to kill?
Blow Fish: Yes Geno and you can have her ass. So let’s get back to our discussion. So Greenburg is there liquor served at your game?
Terri Lynn: Honey are we meeting for drinks this morning I thank I could go for a screw driver and then screw?
Blow Fish: Gone Fishing Auto Response Notice (Little Bass Fishies like Greenburg slauders)
Greenburg: Well I’ve found that people bet more if they are drinking so I require that people drink at my games because they will have a better time and so that they bet more and loose more.
Blow Fish: Is that legal?
Greenburg: Yes it’s a private game. Then I just keep a portion of the winnings to pay for the liquor and the pot and whatever else I serve.
Gene Luciano: I may just have to come up there and take over the gaming business in Pensacola if it is that unorganized.
Greenburg: Oh this is a private game and you are not invited.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish this stupid son of a bitch thinks I need an invitation so why the fuck don’t you just set these mother fuckers up and then I will come up there and show them who the fucking boss is?
Blow Fish: That’s what I am doing so just give me a few more minutes and I should be finished.
Greenburg: What the hell does that mean?
Blow Fish: Well it means that if you don’t pay someone for protection then you are going to jail. See Gene Luciano calls the police in Naples and they come over and arrest everyone in the game and put their pictures in the newspapers and on the internet and everyone will be talking about how they captured a whole gambling ring just like when they busted Dean Baird years ago.
Greenburg: I don’t think my private game could be considered a gambling ring.
Blow Fish: That’s the only word the press has for it. They can’t call it a private game it has to be called a gambling ring so you better watch your ass you better pay Dean Baird for protection or either you are going to get yourself arrested.
Greenburg: I don’t know what you are talking about and what happened to Jimmy Buffet?
Blow Fish: Don’t try and change the subject Greenburg are you too cheap to pay protection money because if you don’t then you are screwed.
Greenburg: I am too cheap to pay anyone for nothing. Yes I am too cheap.
Blow Fish: Then you are as stupid as Dean Baird and you two are in the same fucking boat and now there isn’t protection offered to you and you are both going to fucking jail.
Gene Luciano: Now wait a minute I don’t think that we have to send these boys to jail over a simple little private gambling game why don’t we give them a chance to pay up first?
Blow Fish: Look Geno you stupid mother fucking crook I am not going to repeat myself, I said that yesterday. If you have a question you start back at the beginning of the blog where I said it was a fantasy blog and not real but based on facts and circumstances that are not real and a just for fun blog and read from there and you will see that I gave Greenburg a chance to pay you a share of the winnings and your vig and he said he was too fucking cheap to pay up and you said send the police in and I have and that is that. I’m not going back and giving them another chance. This is my Tiki Bar Tour and I’m looking for the Bale Maker in each town on my stop and I have found him and he is set up and that’s that so lets just move the hell on to the Little Drinking Village of Destin Florida with a Small Fishing Problem just like Greenburg said and leave this matter to the local police to sort out.
Gene Luciano: Now how do you know the local police will sort it out? I have to go down and drink coffee with the Police Chief in Naples and start bitching about all the injustice that’s going on there and then make a few suggestions in the right direction and then offer my help if he can’t get the job done with his own forces because I have quite a network of associates and I can get the fucking job done and you know that. I ran your sorry ass out of town for disrespecting my number one wife Julie and you better leave my other wives out of this or you will get more of the same.
Blow Fish: Now why would you go and threaten me like that you know it just pisses me off and I will have to go for the fucking throat or is it wife number two’s pussy and you know she loves me and my big ole bedroom with the big ole bed where we have a big ole time and you know that drives you insane so why do you always step in your own shit Geno?
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish you son of a bitch you leave my women alone or I will fuck you up I will send Jaws up there to beat you to fucking death and deal with that crook Jimmy Buffet who hasn’t paid me yet.
Blow Fish: Geno your Jaws enforcer is so stupid he couldn’t fucking find me if I was on fire.
Greenburg: If you are finished with me then I need to go sell some waterfront property.
Blow Fish: Well I do need your help with one more item.
Greenburg: What’s that?
Blow Fish: I was wondering who Dean Baird pays the vig too? And I will save you the answer because it won’t save your ass. It’s probably Fred Levin.
Greenburg: That makes sense.
Blow Fish: Do you remember when Pensacola had brothels downtown and strip joints next door with Asian dancers and Trader John’s was a real bar.
Greenburg: Yes I do that was really something? Why do you ask?
Blow Fish: Well I think Dean Baird has ruined those good times for us and I think Fred Levan is behind the whole conspiracy and I think that Martin Levin may be involved.
Martin Levin: That’s it. That’s enough. I’m not taking anymore of this garbage. If you take one more step at my father I will open a can of whoop ass on you that you won’t be able to wash off with soap.
Gene Luciano: Holy shit who the fuck talks like that.
Martin Levin: You too Geno. I’m not afraid of you.
Gene Luciano: Ok you little shit loud mouth mother fucker, you are deader that shit.
Blow Fish: Thank you Geno. I never did like him. He’s such a little bitch.
Gene Luciano: Not anymore he’s just a fucking corpse drawing flies.
Blow Fish: So I was about to call Fred Levin because he always takes his own phone calls or returns his own phone calls. And I have a caller.
Connie: Wayne Ball when are going to come over and marry me you know I have waited for years for you come sweep me off my feet and take me sailing. What kind of boat do you have today?
Blow Fish: I never know see they are always getting stolen and blown up and disappearing so I would have to check and get back to you but can I ask you a personal question?
Connie: Yes honey you can ask me anything.
Terri Lynn: Wayne who the fuck is this little whore I don’t like her allot all ready and why is she trying to get on your boat?
Connie: I have my own boat bitch so back off.
Terri Lynn: OK I’m coming down there and I am bringing the US Army Reserve with me and we are going to fucking straighten that little asshole out. I am on my way.
Gene Luciano: What the hell got under her bra?
Blow Fish: She is insanely jealous. It’s ok for her to screw 3 guys in a hotel room on acid but I can’t talk to another woman on the phone without a war breaking out and she means it. She will go to any length to stop me from doing what she doesn’t want me to do. She gave a warning this time. Usually the police just show up and there they go, the US Army Reserve has been dispatched from their Pensacola Base and they are driving down Bayou Blvd headed for Connie’s house in Cordova Park.
Connie: Honey I am not at home I am work. I still have a job.
Blow Fish: Well I will be over there to rescue you from the improvised life you are living and sweep you off your feet just as soon as I get finished setting up your family.
Connie: Well the sweeping me off my feet sounds incredible put the other part can’t be good. What in the world is that all about?
Blow Fish: You almost sounded like my sister for a moment. She always says “Good Lord what in the world.” But you left out the Good Lord part. Why is that?
Connie: I just don’t believe in the Good Lord part. I just believe in money. We worship money not Good Lord. I work so I can have more of it so I don’t spend any of the money I have because that would be a sin to spend any of my family’s money.
Blow Fish: Well I spend money like it grows on trees and it just keeps coming. We come from different backgrounds. My grandfather was worth millions and I know your family has more money than mine because I believe the story is the Queen of Spain gave your family the whole Florida Panhandle back when there were nothing put natives living here.
Connie: That’s true. We were the original owners.
Blow Fish: Well there is a developer in Destin that states that he is the original owner so maybe he stole the land from your family and then sold it for a profit.
Connie: Well that would be a crime of huge proportion.
Blowfish: Yes it would and I am about to drag the truth out of him about where he came up with the money to buy the land and what he did with the money which is called money laundering but first let me finish with your family. So you got your fortune from the Queen of Spain?
Connie: Yes we have been very fortunate to be well connected with royalty.
Blow Fish: Yes I have too but I’m afraid I come from a different clan.
Connie: Which clan is that?
Blow Fish: My clan is the Irish and the Scots.
Connie: Well those are a bunch of drunken roughens.
Blow Fish: That’s right and that is why we could never be together because everything you have has been given to you and we just take what we want from people like you.
Connie: I don’t understand. How could that happen?
Blow Fish: Well when your parents got low on cash then they had to sell some of the land that the queen gave them to pay for food and clothes and putting you through school and trips right?
Connie: Yes that’s correct and I think they call that capitol gain and then we have to invest the money or we have to pay tax on it so we do something like building Cordova Mall.
Blow Fish: That’s it and that’s my point exactly. So when my clan bought the area on the bay from your family now known as Cordova Park your family had to build Cordova Mall with the money or they would have to pay taxes on it.
Connie: Yes that sounds right. So you have a point?
Blow Fish: Yes I do but first let me say that I want you to know that this is a fantasy blog and not real although it is based on fact but is just for entertainment and an expression of my free speech which is protected by the fifth amendment and I mean no disrespect but I think my point is that I have evidence that the Queen of Spain didn’t own the land and what happened was your family built a still and were moonshiners and traded the Indians moonshine or white lighting or fire water for the land and that’s how your family got all their land.
Connie: Well you maybe right. I will have to get with my brother and get back to you. You may be right though.
Blow Fish: Well I have another fantasy blog thing to say that is just for fun while we are just joking around. If you did steal the land from the Indians which is what you did if they were drunk at the time then you need to return it because it is illegal to sell or transfer property when someone isn’t sober and that’s what this developer in Destin does. He makes all his real estate deals on the back of cocktail napkins after he gets the less fortunate owner drunk and takes advantage of them while they are not in their right mind or sober and coherent or able to understand what they are doing and according to the law he has to refund the money or return the property which he can’t do so he has to refund the money or give back property at an equal value but you still own the property so I think the Christian thing to do is just give the Indians Cordova Mall if that’s where the money went.
Connie: Well since this isn’t a real situation and just a fantasy for entertainment I will say go screw yourself. We are not Christians. We don’t believe in God. We worship money so you can kiss my royal ass good bye.
Blow Fish: Well that’s no way to act. I’ve never known you to be so angry.
Connie: You have never asked me for money before.
Blow Fish: Well your brother has always paid me when I asked for money without loosing his temper. What’s wrong? Why don’t you give Cordova Mall back to the Indians and they can turn it into a casino with a big ole Indian teepee gaming room and the Indians and the gamblers will both be happy and it will be a big boost to the local economy and no one will have to ride on a bus to Mississippi any more. Everyone will be happy! What’s wrong?
Connie: I have told everyone in town that you were going to come sweep me off my feet someday and marry me and I have waited and waited and been married and still waited and you just keep sailing around having all this fun and a great time and I have just been stuck here waiting my whole life so have you sailed back here to finally make an honest woman out of me?
Blow Fish: Honesty you keep asking me over and over and your X sister in law and your brother and everyone in town has asked me and if I wasn’t busy with my Tiki Bar Tour that would be wonderful but for the last time, I am not going to repeat this everyday if you have a question about the blog read back to Day 1 and then catch up and if you tell someone about The Big Show tell them to start reading at the beginning so if you have a question about where I am and where I am going please read back and catch up because soon I will be gone and up that big ole developers asshole in Destin Florida and asking if you have to give back land to the less fortunate people that you took advantage of or you have to make a cash settlement then where are you getting the money to pay them and where did it come from and has it been laundered and is it clean and that will be the subject of the blog when I sail right up Randy Gibson’s asshole right here on the fantasy blog and he will be saying…
Randy Gibson: Oh! I gotta go!
Blow Fish: That’s all he ever says. But not to his best buddy in the world and that’s me, Blow Fish so check back in when I start my investigation into why we educate our children and brainwash them into thinking that Pirates are heroes and saved our town when they came in by boat and started raping and pillaging and stealing and impoverished the rich or enslaving the poor by taking their land and soon we will be talking about how you can buy a slave today in this modern day when its against the law and that’s coming up soon and I will be taking a call from my good friend in Atlanta and she is a highend big city prostitute. The kind you have to buy a house and a car and a retirement plan for and when I get to Destin FL I will be trading retirement plans for sex and I will be talking more about that as I delve into what every woman in Destin FL wants for Christmas and that is me because in Destin FL the women think I am Santa Claus and don’t forget to put your vote in for the Best Key Lime Pie on the Florida Gulf Coast and go ahead caller and I have several callers on hold so please make it short or keep it short or what’s up Shorty and what’s the name of the movie it’s Who Shot Shorty and that’s Gene Luciano but its Get Shorty and so what’s up Shorty?
Martin Levin: Can’t you just answer the phone without insulting me?
Blow Fish: Yes I can Mr. Levin please continue before the line goes dead.
Martin Levin: Now I am warning you again to keep my father out of this or I will be shutting you down and I mean it so back off mother fucker.
Blow Fish: Now is that any way for the Pope to be talking or is that Hitler talking. Who am I dealing with here?
Martin Levin: What in the hell are you talking about now?
Gene Luciano: I thought I killed that little bitch. I will send my son up there and have him dump a big ole pile of bull shit on him that he can’t crawl out from under and that will be the end of him.
Martin Levin: OK let’s all calm down and try to discuss this like human beings?
Blow Fish: That sounds like the preacher in you trying to come out. Did you know Jim and Tammy Faye Baker were selling white slaves up in South Carolina and my in laws went up there and bought one?
Martin Levin: I will kill you if you try and pin that shit on my father.
Blow Fish: Now that must be the killer in you Martin who’s next?
Martin Levin: That’s all I got I give up maybe it’s just better if I just go take a pill and try to chill out with a cocktail.
Blow Fish: And that would be your mother in you so deal with it Martin and stop preaching to me about staying away from your father and stop telling me that Randy Gibson is your client because he is too cheap to hire a good attorney like yourself buddy, so no offense, he’s a bubba and dumb as hell and a stupid Bubba type that is living under cover as a Pirate, a fun loving Pirate that’s just living and loving life and no one ever looks at what he is really doing and how he makes his money and how he preys on the less fortunate than himself so we will looking up his family tree.
Randy Gibson: Now Bubba and I am sorry, I know you don’t like to be referred to as a Bubba like us but I have warmed you to not talk about my parents on your blog or mention my name or I will be coming over and roughing you up and slapping an injunction on your right to free speech and shutting you down so I am calling my attorney and getting in my car that makes me look like I don’t have a dime as I am living under the disguise of the local pirate known as Pirate Randy a drunken local playboy and not my real title which is an over the road truck driver.
Blow Fish: Well there we have it. The truth is out, Randy Gibson isn’t a pirate cheating less fortunate people than himself out of their real estate by getting them drunk and making real estate deals on the back of a bar napkin where if you try to back out of the deal he will say…
Randy Gibson: Now Bubba and I mean Blow Fish I hate to repeat myself because that’s not the way we get things done around here, we sit down and discuss it and then we reach an agreement and then we both sign the agreement on the back of a bar napkin and then if you try and back out of it and don’t live up to your part of the bargain then I will have to call up my attorney and have him slap an injunction on your ass and I will have to come over and beat the hell out of you or I may just get you drunk and then challenge you to a game of arm wrestling and by the way I broke my right arm wrestling last year so if you don’t mine I will have to use my left arm and you are probably so drunk you haven’t noticed that I am left handed and so I bet you $50 I can break your arm with my left hand arm wrestling you and if you cross me I will break both your arms so leave my family out of it.
Greenburg: Wow. I don’t know why you did that. What the hell?
Blow Fish: Well when you piss off Blow Fish some times you get bitten and so we will check back tomorrow and see if Pirate Randy has actually changed his occupation and is it now an over the road truck driver like he said or if he has ripped off anyone for their family’s land or if he has broken any arms. But first I have a caller. Go ahead and I know who it is.
Carol Greenburg: Wayne did my husband tell you I need to talk to you?
Greenburg: Oh yea, Carol said Hey and lets get back to those gambling questions I think I have come up with some answers so say goodbye Carol.
Carol Greenburg: Wayne I told my husband to tell you to call me. I didn’t know you were in town and you know you can’t just kiss me one time and then leave town and never call me again.
Terri Lynn: That’s it I am turning the U S Army Reserve off from Connie’s ass and on this bitch’s ass and who the hell is she and what the fuck is a Greenburg?
Blow Fish: Well a Greenburg is an imaginary character I invented to express his discontent that his wife loves me more than him.
Terri Lynn: That seems to be every woman’s problem around here why can’t these whores just be satisfied with what they got and leave your ass alone and stop trying to take you away from me.
Connie: Blow Fish I think I have lost the U S Army Reserve they were on my ass and now I can meet you so where are you right now?
Blow Fish: Don’t make me repeat myself again.
Carol Greenburg: I don’t think that Terri Lynn understands that we are old friends.
Jodie McWhorter: Blow Fish is that the girl you had sex with at her wedding?
Lynne Lane: No that was me and I am ready to give you that blow job if you want to come on by I just have to tell the children to go for a walk so they don’t watch.
Greenburg: For the love of God would you please all stop this blow fish screw me and let me give you a blow job. What the hell is going on here?
Blow Fish: Well it’s in the water and Carol wants me to talk to you about trying some Bai Coconut Water and see if it will solve that problem you guys seem to be having.
Zac Brown: That’s right Buddy Roo and I would like to announce the release of my new Bai Water in a little plastic bottle so you don’t have to go to the hospital and get a free plastic Sippy cup and then fill it up with ice and then tap water and squirt it up her pussy and then shove a dildo up her ass and I guess I have changed characters here and if you think I have a problem with who I am or who Randy Gibson is you better come up with a fantasy blog of your own and get started quick because I am about to open up a whole day dedicated to what you do for a living so show up and the Harbor Dock Gang set me up because I stole all your women and gave them a retirement plan.
Blow Fish: Zac Brown I think you need to sit down and drink a bottle of that wonderful new Bai Water in the little plastic bottle and throw that Sippy cup away and leave the perverted shit to Wayne Roberts who is in the slammer and that’s where Randy Gibson thinks I am going hopefully before I inform on him or roll over on my buddy or whatever you stupid Bubbas call it so check in when our musical guest is no other that the world famous Jimmy Buffet and he will be helping me understand why someone would choose drug smuggling as a career.
Greenburg: I am trying to help you understand how the gambling works in Pensacola and I don’t think I am doing anything wrong here.
Blow Fish: I’m not saying you are doing anything wrong. I still have a few questions about your poker game if you don’t mind.
Greenburg: What’s that?
Blow Fish: How do you charge people to play at your poker game?
Greenburg: It’s free no one is charged to play.
Blow Fish: So let’s say someone loses at cards and they borrow money against the house so they can keep playing. Then at the end of the night they can’t pay the house and you are always the house how do you collect the money?
Greenburg: Well they pay me back next week or we work out an arrangement for them to pay me back.
Blow Fish: So this arrangement would be that they owe you the principal and then they also will owe you interest. So how do you determine how much interest they pay?
Gene Luciano: What Blow Fish is asking you is how much is the vig?
Greenburg: The interest or the vig is an amount that I charge or a favor that is predetermined.
Blow Fish: Like when you move they help you move you furniture.
Greenburg: Yes or whatever I need them to do.
Blow Fish: Then after they pay the vig how do they pay the principal or pay off the loan.
Greenburg: They either pay with cash or they do another favor.
Blow Fish: So they pay the principal with cash and the vig with a favor and how would they pay for the beer or liquor they consumed?
Greenburg: With cash or either by replacing what they drank with more than they consumed.
Blow Fish: What if they smoked some of your pot at the game?
Wayne’s Mother from the Grave: Wayne Ball this is your mother from heaven and not the grave. If you are planning on smoking pot with Greenburg I am calling your father in that other place that is more exclusive and harder to get into according to your pastor at Gulf Breeze UMC which I think they refer to the place as the Gulf Breeze City Hall because they control the whole town and part of the county as well.
Greenburg: Either they pay me back with pot or with cash.
Blow Fish: What about drink servers? Do you provide that or do your children ever sell your friends drugs?
Greenburg: My children are too young for that type activity.
Blow Fish: Well let’s say they are older and they have grown up around the game and they see you making money off the game and the bar and off the drugs and they decide they will start there own business and start selling drugs to your friends on the side. Would you get a cut of that money as well?
Greenburg: I don’t understand where you are going with this but yes I could ask to be cut in on the drug money. I could make money on their drug distribution.
Blow Fish: Then if that is truly the situation then you and your children and Deano are all going to jail so if I were you I would watch my Greenburg ass because I know you are a gambler and I don’t want you to be hurt by what you consider to be harmless fun because it does harm people and the responsible people are called bookies and loan sharks and that word that he was convicted of before.
Terri Lynn: I can’t seem to find that little whinny whore that is trying to get you to marry her but if I hear one more word out of her or any of these other whores I will open another can of whoop ass all over Pensacola FL.
Connie: Wayne I spoke with my brother he asked you to stop by his office and he will give you and that bitch Terri Lynn exactly what you deserve.
Terri Lynn: There she is again. I am going to have to beat her little white trash ass.
Victor Wallace: Hey what the hell is going on here?
Blow Fish: Apparently John is going to pay me what he owes me and I know I owe you so if you would stop by his office and say you are there for Blow Fish they will give you what you deserve and then if you’re thirsty afterwards and don’t mind running down to Naples or Sarasota to Aqua Bar and Grill where the special is 2 entrees for $39.95 with a free bottle of wine and the poison is in the wine and just say you want the Blow Fish special they will take care of your asshole self too
Martin Levin: I am still alive and about to file a law suit to shut down this blog so I am sure I will have that completed by the close of work today.
Blow Fish: And there’s that attorney personality again.
Gene Luciano: I guess Gordon missed I will send another crew after him. And I just got a call from my restaurant in Sarasota. My staff there just rolled a big ole fat bald headed fagot and the id in his wallet says it’s Victor Wallace. We threw his ass out back in the dumpster and he will be headed to the landfill soon so you owe me a dump fee Blow Fish.
Blow Fish: Hell I have just arrived in town today and I haven’t made any plans for this evening so I will plan one of my world famous Blow Fish parties and here is a hint I misspelled my name the other day and if you find it I won’t put those naked photos of you on the blog for the whole world to see and that goes for that arm wrestling video I have of Randy Gibson being whooped up on by Bubba and that reminds me I need to call an Uber driver for tonight so those damn assholes out on Pensacola Beach that you guys call, what do you guys call the cops here, well that will be coming up soon along with the Best Key Lime on the Gulf Coast of Florida contest and if that turns out good then I will do the same contest in the Keys and the East Coast of Florida and that’s the day when I play Eat My Key Lime and that’s the day you will be calling in to describe your Key Lime Pie so look for that in a few days but tonight I need to plan something and I will have to go back to Day 1 and read back and catch up to see what I was suppose to do to night so Connie don’t get mad just show up tonight at the world famous Blow Fish Party at Captain Fun on Pensacola Beach and I have sent out evites to all my friends as far away as Mobile AL and there are even a couple of Ole Fags coming down from Roswell GA so it should be quite an affair and I need to call the bar and I almost forgot to tell Jimmy Buffet thanks for his phone call today and hope I can count on you to help me find the Bale Maker in Destin FL and do not know if it is at AJs Tiki Bar or at Randy Gibson’s Tiki Bar at the Crab Trap or at Randy’s Gibson Tiki Bar at Pompano Joes or either at Randy Gibson’s Tiki Bar at the Whales Tail and I guess if you were looking for a big ole drug smuggler you would start at the biggest Tiki Bar or start with the guy that has the most Tiki Bars but I think they are all connected and Randy Gibson is my neighbor there and so is Taylor Swift and I will be telling how I met her on the beach when we get to the boat or haul off another line or what ever you guys call it over there in Destin because you can’t call it snorting cocaine because the President of the United States is reading our emails and text messages and then he will call the local police and they will arrest us so check back when the head Bubba in Destin who calls himself Alan Hunter the head of the Bubba Gang at Pompano Joes Tiki Bar explains how you have to disguise what you say when you send out an evite so I am doing the samething tonight and I thank Bubba for straightening me out and so I am offering my friends free shots at Captain Fun tonight but I am using a code that Bubba taught me and I will be offering not free shots but free crack shots.
Long Arm of the Law: I know what crack shots are. That’s where the girl puts the shot glass in her ass crack and then the guy drinks it. It’s called a crack shot.
Blow Fish: If you say so but I hope that’s not how it works or I will have a bunch of Big Ole Fags there watching themselves do that. And I also need to call an Uber and I had to read back and see where I was at or where I was going or was it where I am not but where I am today or either where the boat leaves from and that was yesterday because I am at the Pensacola Beach Yacht Club today and there Connie you didn’t have to read back and that’s where I heard I was or I heard I was in town.
Jimmy Buffet: I like the sound of that I think I will write a song and call it “I heard I Was in Town” and make a million dollars off it and then I will record it in the studio and then record it live and make it sound like shit instead of how it sounds in the studio and I won’t sing the words I will just say them because the audience is singing it like on the album and I will just say the words or lyrics and make another million on the live version.
Blow Fish: Hold on to your ass boy that was my idea and I just said those words on the blog and this blog is copyrighted and I just said it right there because some stupid asshole on Pensacola Beach told me once that he copyrighted his art work by writing the words copyright on the art and you know who you are and we are headed to Destin FL to see what the Troll is up to because he hangs out under bridges and steals peoples shit by sneaking up and taking it while they aren’t looking. He stole a change purse from one of my girl friends, Stacy with an I, in the sleepy little beach town of Miramar Beach. So he is a little troll hanging out at the Tiki Bar and stealing peoples shit and so is Bubba and that would be Bubba Alan Taylor and so the blog is copyrighted Jimmy Thieving Buffet get your own song and leave my “I Heard I was In Town” line in my blog alone.
Lynne Lane: I hope you didn’t forget to stop by to get a blow job today.
Blow Fish: I thought you were having sex with someone at the door and made other plans so I guess I could swing by and pick you up in my Uber and then we can ride in the back and you can give me a blow job on the way to the bar.
Lynne Lane: OK I love giving blow jobs in moving vehicles.
Blow Fish: I know you do so I will stop by and pick you up and get a blow job in the back of a moving Uber and if Lynne Lane isn’t sucking your dick in a moving vehicle then she must be driving or either you aren’t worth a shit so see which it is because I am calling the Uber and there I have placed the call.
Dolly Hewitt: Wayne why have you called another Uber? I will personally come by and pick you and your blow job queen up and give you both a ride and then when we get there, you and I can have sex. Just don’t tell Tim Hewitt my husband because he is jealous as hell and doesn’t want another man touching me because I am his little Taxi Cab Queen and he is my King and we are the Atlanta Taxi Cab Mafia and we are moving in on the Pensacola FL territory because they aren’t as organized as we are and so we will run the competition out of town and that’s how we do it in the taxi cab business so watch out because I am coming to get your ass and I have cancelled that Uber car because we know how to monitor Uber calls now and have hacked into their system and are now taking their calls and charging your credit card from the info we stole from Uber and I am on the way.
Blow Fish: Ok Dolly but Terri Lynn is jealous as hell and she will freak out and there she is.
Terri Lynn: Honey how many women are you having sex with tonight? I have lost count and I think it’s three not including me because I heard something about free crack and I am on my way and I am bringing the National Guard and forming a blockade and not letting Connie thru because I think she is just too serious and I think you are too and so I don’t want to loose you so I am stalking you and coming to your party uninvited and I am on the way.
Blow Fish: That would be 5 not including you.
Blue Balls: You are so full of yourself. I am sending over the Escambia County Sheriff Department to shut down your party before you have sex with anyone because I am Blue Balls.
Tim Hewitt: I am in town and after I take over the Pensacola FL taxi cab business I am headed to Captain Fun on Pensacola Beach to fuck you up mother fucker I warned you to leave Dolly my Queen alone because I am the King of the Taxi Cab Mafia in the whole SE and I am going to run you over you slimy Blow Fish.
Gene Luciano: OK Blow Fish I have sent my boy over there to deal with you tonight at Captain Fun and he is going to run your Blow Fish ass over with his big ole pick up truck so you can kiss your ass good bye.
Blow Fish: Well this should be a fun night. I just wanted to stop by the Captain Fun Tiki Bar and see if there were a bunch of Pimps and Whores hanging out there because the last time I stopped in, there were nothing but Pimps and Whores in there and I don’t think its good for Pimps and Whores to be hanging out on the Quitewater Beach Boardwalk but they were so I am stopping by to check on the Pimp and Whore count later tonight and then reporting back to you tomorrow, but later tonight I’m headed over to the Boardwalk Condos where I am meeting the Escambia County Clerk of the Court at her beach condo which is now my beach condo and her ass is now mine because just like Gene Luciano says and I know he will back me up on this, whatever I see is mine and I have seen her ass and it’s now mine and she called me and so she is now my Vegas Show Girl and not My Attorney Friend, her husband can make another trip out there to Vegas and get his own Vegas Show Girl because I have been told if I go out there they will kill me deader than shit at the Vegas City limits and I know they will because Geno has a hit out on my ass out there and those Big Ole Gangsters don’t fool around.
My Attorney Friend: Get out of my beach condo, and off my wife’s ass and get a Vegas Show Girl of your own and stop calling me your friend.
Blow Fish: OK but you stay away from My Vegas Show Girl Escambia Clerk of the Court and it’s my beach condo so get your own beach condo.
My X Attorney Friend: You changed my name but haven’t given me back My Vegas Show Girl Escambia County Clerk of the Court.
Blow Fish: I said you were going to jail so you don’t need a Vegas Show Girl Escambia County Clerk of the Court you fucking dumb asshole what you need is a good attorney.
Martin Levin: Well I don’t know where my name began or ended because you cant take my call without insulting me first and I am the only good attorney on this blog because we all know that asshole is a schister attorney and not a good attorney so when he goes to jail, don’t call me. I don’t want to be associated with the whole affair.
Blow Fish: So soon that Al the Real Estate Tycoon that told me he didn’t want to be associated with the whole affair will be calling in to air his dirty laundry on The Big Show where my friends, lovers, relatives and their children and all the stupid asshole high society Pensacola trash are calling in to say…
Al the Real Estate Tycoon: How much for a massage and a blow job and lunch and a blow job and a nap?
Blow Fish: That’s sounds like an admission of guilt and another prostitution ring I have exposed so somebody run over and catch that blow job queen giving away a free blow job or a hand job or both with every massage but it’s included in the hourly rate and that’s called prostitution and we will be calling on Billy Bob who is the expert on prostitution in Pensacola FL and Pensacola Beach and Gulf Breeze and Destin and Evergreen AL so we will be hearing from him when he calls in to explain…
Billy Bob: You don’t have to have sex on your sofa so I can watch just don’t close the windows and did you know I have a big ole telescope in my bedroom where Fayla and I sit and watch people having sex in Tristan towers and then we have sex and she gets a yeast infection and then we wait until its clears up and I just watch people having sex in Tristan Tower and then wack off while she watches people having sex in Tristan Tower and then we sit around talking about it because we are Peeping Tom perverts and we love to watch.
Blow Fish: I keep for getting to ask Terri Lynn who keeps taking theses naked photos of her on the internet and of her having sex with her girl friend and who took the photo of her in the Downtown Historical Roswell Times where she was getting a joint rolled on her ass by a Lesbo Uber driver while she was giving that pervert Wayne Roberts a blow job that she never finishes while he was fucking to live ones that 2 whores from Pasti’s in the back of his Chevy Blazer in the parking lot at Pasti’s and the Lesbo Uber driver was ran over and killed by a Atlanta Taxi Cab Mafia hit man or woman we aren’t sure which but the Lesbo Uber Driver Union is pissed and out for revenge and has released this press release…
Lesbo Uber Driver Union spokes person: I am the spokes person for the Lesbo Uber Driver Union and it appears that we have lost a union member solely because she resembles this Blow Fish character with spiky hair and masculine good looks which describes our entire union and is quite disturbing. So we are calling for our supporters and member to help us today and show up in support of our cause at Captain Fun on the Quietwater Beach Boardwalk tonight where this Blow Fish character seems to be setting up Captain Fun himself and calling him the Bale Maker so we would appreciate your help and support for our cause by attending this demonstration tonight at Captain Fun’s.
Blow Fish: I told you something always happens when you put a drink in my hand.
Gay Scot: Look man I think you need to take that drink out of your hand and sober up and take my name off the internet.
Blow Fish: The drink in my hand right now is a bottle Bai Water in a convenient plastic bottle and I think someone is posing as a Gay faggot because he has stolen Gay Scot caller id which ties him in with that Big Ole Gangster up in Atlanta that is stealing all my fortune and killing my sister and stole from Grand Daddy but not in that order and that would be that crook known as Pirate Randy and I haven’t forgotten about you Papa and that what I called my Grand Daddy and so I am setting up the fucker that stole from my Papa who is in Atlanta you rich son of a bitch but I don’t need that 5 million dollars you stole from him or you either, all I need is a computer to get your ass arrested so bend over and kiss you ass goodbye and you are about to fuck your black mistress in the asshole and tell your wife about it because I have stolen your mistress and fucking her in the ass but I don’t fuck niggers in the asshole but you do but I did have sex with your wife in the parking lot outside of Sage one night in the back of her car before you had all that plastic surgery done to her and now she looks like a freaking science project and do’t want to fuck her anymore so you have to have a black prostitute mistress that you had to buy a house for and a car and a retirement plan and all that shit can be traced back to you especially when you put your name on the deed with her because you’re too cheap to buy her a house and give it to her so you only gave her half of a house and you kept your name on the other half and you cant take it off because it can be traced back to you so kiss your nigger asshole fucking ass goodbye boy cause you are going down so fucking hard for fucking with my goddamn family boy so kiss your country Bubba ass goodbye fucker and the country club where you belong won’t help you because they will be kicking your ass out of that fancy community when we come up and haul your ass out of there so once again you can kiss your country Bubba nigger asshole fucking ass good bye and your stupid mistress tried to get me to pay for the other half of her house so she could get rid of your sorry fucking ass so she could move me into her house and take me to Italy and marry her when I set her skank nigger ass up in Atlanta and soon we will looking at how you can buy a slave in this modern day society and so will your wife boy and if you fuck with me or my family or my fiends you have fucked with the wrong family and we will be looking up my family tree soon and saying hey that guys got a big ole tree and that tree don’t stop growing so kiss your country hillbilly nigger asshole fucking ass good bye boy!
Welcome to this fantasy blog where nothing is real but based on fact where all the names have been changed to protect the innocent but everyone is guilty as hell just like that Country Nigger Asshole Fucking Bubba Gangster in Atlanta and this is just a for entertainment blog and that would be for my entertainment cause I don’t think he is going to like it and if you don’t find this entertaining you can kiss your Country Nigger Asshole Fucking Bubba Gangster ass good bye and then just turn the page because this will be a book and then a movie and then a DVD for you cheap assholes that can’t read or too busy working to go to a movie. So as we get into the Blog I will picking actors to play the different characters in the movie like the Bubba the Head of the Pompano Tiki Bar Gang will be played by Simple Jack from the movie Tropic of Thunder that Gay Scot thinks is so funny and the best movie ever made only you have to put a straw hat on his head with a cheap ole silk flower lay that they give you when you get off the cruise ship in St Thomas and I’ve never done that but I’ve seen you guys getting off the cruise ship to go to the mall and then you have to cut the sleeves off his T shirt and then cut his blue jeans off just below the knees like they are pedal pushers or waders and then he pulls up his T shirt with one hand and rubs his nipple with his over hand to show how excited he is by a woman and that would be all of the tourist ladies at the Tiki Bar so head on down to Destin FL to Pompano Joe’s Tiki Bar and ask him how much he charges for sex and he will say hell a beer and then please call the police and have him arrested for prostitution and that’s what it’s called, selling sex for beer and that’s what he does but now I have cut off his free beer supply because he will be too chicken shit to drink a free beer anymore because I am setting him up with an undercover cop dressed as a hot tourist and I haven’t even gotten there yet so watch your asshole Bubba and I had to live and dress like these stupid rednecks for 2 years to set these assholes up.
So tomorrow I am inviting Greenburg back and I am sure he is so excited to know that and wants to thank me and so I will save you the call and say you are so welcome and the topic tomorrow is Heathenism and Greenburg is the original Heathen and the originator of this nasty religion that has turned into nothing more than a pubic expression of his personal sexuality and he will be telling us all about that tomorrow when he will say, Please leave my wife alone, Fayla says you may have a Std and there it is Fayla and Billy Bob are coming to the party tonight and Billy Bob will get plastered on beer but you can’t tell because I think he survives on beer and I am trying to get him on the Bai Coconut Water and off the brew but he is too cheap so I will wait until I see him tonight and I will buy him a Bai Coconut Water and Randy Gibson says they cure hangovers so he drinks one every morning and that would be the frequency of his hangovers and everyone thinks that I am a drunk only I don’t really drink and if I do it’s Bai Coconut Water because the hangovers aren’t as bad and that’s a lie because I am about to set up Captain Fun and I am buying the shots and I don’t know what will happen but it will, because all you have to do is “Put a Drink in my Hand” and the criminals start falling or either they start kicking my ass and poisoning me because I never know what’s going to happen but something always does so check back in tomorrow bright and early when I will be hungover bigger than shit with Greenburg and we will be discussing religion and his sexuality and going to heaven or that other place that is more exclusive were you really have to try like hell to get in there and my musical guest will be my good friend and buddy Kenny Chesney and the featured song is “Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven” just not this morning because I have a hangover and I need a Bai Coconut Water and besides I ain’t ready yet!