Welcome to my Tiki Bar Tour. I have to say my Tiki Bar Tour because my buddy Jimmy Buffet did another Tiki Bar Tour years ago and stole my Tiki Bar Tour name and I have to deal with him on all his stealing on another day because today my featured artist and my friend is Kenny Chesney and the featured song is Guitars and Tiki Bars. So we will be exploring the Tiki Bars of the Gulf Coast and the Florida Keys and the East Coast of Florida and expose who the Bale Makers are in each beach town and then I make my way back up to Atlanta to deal with the gangsters in my own home town of Roswell and Alpharetta. And I have to deal with both towns because I live on the city line there but today I’m doing it on the Flora Bama line.
Now I spent the night at my buddy Mark’s house south of Atlanta and was up most of the night and I have a caller. Go ahead Terri Lynn.
Terri Lynn: Now Honey I know I told you that I would really like to do some coke and apparently you were up all night at one of your famous coke parties and I was not invited and heard that Mark’s sister was there and Shelley and why was I not there?
Blow Fish: Now I am not going to repeat myself again today. If you have a question about the blog then go back and read Day 1 and catch up and hurry up or you may just miss something but if you do miss something I will be me saying Gone Fishing Auto Response Notice.
Now I was saying that I had a lovely time at Mark’s house and his sister is a very nice woman and we are old friends and Billy Bob and Fayla introduced me to her if you ever want to meet a nasty crack whore with a STD from dating a junkie then you need to call Fayla and ask her to hook you up with one of her best friends but you better watch out because afterwards she just might say this about you.
Fayla: He might have a STD because he dated my best girl friend and I don’t know if I would let him swim in your pool or hot tub or have sex with your wife.
Blow Fish: And so I am about to open a can of whoop ass on the Bubbas of the Gulf Coast of Florida or the Redneck Riviera but first I have to check on the dildo count in my Atlanta pool and according to my house keeper apparently Wayne Roberts has thrown 2 more Dildos in my pool over the night and I know right where they came from because it is right here in the Downtown Historical Roswell Times Newspaper where I am the Mayor and that pervert Wayne Roberts is on the front page and it seems that Terri Lynn was the contributing photographer and I will describe the photo and then I will download it from the newspaper web page and attach it to the blog because I know you will get a kick out of this. So let me describe the photo.
It would appear that pervert Wayne Roberts has a dildo in each hand fucking 2 whores in the asshole in his old Chevy Blazer in the Pasti’s parking lot while Terri Lynn is sucking him off and there is a Lesbo Uber driver with spiky hair rolling a joint on her ass and Wayne Roberts nose is covered with a white substance that is a mystery to me and it is because how could Wayne Roberts have a white substance on his nose when he gets tested for drugs all the time because he is a big ole marketing agent for a leading condom manufacturer and they also have a brand of dido and a lubricate so he can squirt the lubricate up your pussy and then shove a dildo up your ass and then throw the nasty things in my pool. Well if he doesn’t stop throwing those damn pink eye sources in my pool you will be searching for a brand of condom on the internet or a dildo to give as a Christmas gift and you will see Wayne Roberts senior marketing director for Trojan Condoms has been arrested for public nudity and drug possession and possession of a controlled substance and for public nudity and for receiving a blow job from a prostitute, Terri Lynn so why would you want to read that Wayne Roberts senior marketing director for Trojan Condoms has been arrested for public nudity and drug possession and possession of a controlled substance and for public nudity and for receiving a blow job from a prostitute, Terri Lynn? Because if you read that Terri Lynn was arrested for selling sex to Wayne Roberts senior marketing director for Trojan Condoms who was arrested for public nudity and drug possession and possession of a controlled substance and for public nudity and for receiving a blow job from a known prostitute and then over in the Society section the paper reports that a good time was had by all last night in Pasti’s parking lot until the Downtown Historical Roswell Police Department and the National Guard showed up at the same time and broke up the party and arrested all participants. Apparently the police were walking the female Uber driver who was unfortunately a Lesbo and wore spiky hair similar to my Blow Fish do to the Police cruiser and she was mistaken for Blow Fish by the Atlanta Taxi Cab Mafia who ran her Lesbo ass down with a taxi cab. The officer was not harmed thank God for that or I would have to answer to the Chief of Police but not really because I am the Mayor of Downtown Historic Roswell and this is my town and these are my boys and not yours Gene Luciano so hang on caller. Apparently the Lesbo Uber driver had been having a lesbian affair with a Dolly Hewitt the wife of Tim Hewitt owner and Head of the Atlanta Taxi Cab Mafia. So the whole affair and or death of the Lesbo Uber driver is under investigation and the police do not know whether to call this a crime of passion or a Gay hate crime and that’s a felony so Tim Hewitt you better watch out little punk ass when you threaten Blow Fish in his own home town and I own this fucking town Boy and yes Geno what the hell is it?
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish you son of a bitch don’t you try and pin this whole Taxi Cab Mafia hit on my asshole. That was my associates in Atlanta.
Blow Fish: Thank you again Gene Luciano for calling in and snicking on yet another of your counter parts or the other fraction as you call them.
So that should clear up this whole pink eye threat that was looming over my Atlanta pool and that pervert Wayne Roberts is finally behind bars where his perverted ass belongs in the sex crime cell pod with his peers and Terri Lynn is at Maurice’s explaining her part in the whole crime. On lookers state that they were tearing it up until the Police and the Guard showed up and apparently witnesses say that once again Wayne Robert’s dick just fell right out of Terri Lynn’s mouth and she did not finish what she had started and I need to explain that Maurice is a retired Army Colonel and he is like the governor to Terri Lynn and she is so dishonest that see wanted to introduce me as a licensed architect one time because I am a drop out of the Georgia Tech School of Architecture because I took a different course in life and I’m not saying which it is yet and so she is so dishonest that she wanted me to miss represent myself as a professionally licensed in the State of Georgia Architect just to impress the gay parents of a faggot or was it the proud parents of a gay couple or a couple of illegally wed faggots who are about to be arrested because I have told people for years that if you do anything illegal or wrong for God’s sake don’t tell me Fayla because I can be such a blabber mouth and I will just spread it all over the internet and soon we will be looking up her pussy and see why she gets a yeast infection after Billy Bob screws her after he drinks beer but he is always drunk on beer so maybe the problem is with her pussy and soon we will be discussing pussy full time and I have seen about a thousand of those little devils and I am about to expose them all one by one because I kiss and tell. I am not a gentleman like Zac Brown nor am I a Hillbilly like Kenny Chesney and you are able to find out what I am like right here on Where is Wayne Ball as we search for the Bale Maker at the Flora-Bama Lounge and Tiki Bar and then work our way around the Florida coast setting up the Bale Makers and then work my way to Atlanta where I will set up big ole Gangsters and Russians in Atlanta and we have what is called a big ole round up as Gene Luciano calls it so get ready Geno because the round up has started and your shit’s about to hit the fan and you are going down and Terri Lynn was down on Wayne Roberts with a joint being rounded on her ass and I do not know how she gets away with this perversion and still stay in Maurice’s good graces and I guess that would be because of the pussy and so we will start with the description of her pussy right here on Eat My Key Lime Pie Day with my musical guest Kenny Chesney when you will be calling in and describing your Key Lime Pie and we will be awarding the title to the Best Key Lime Pie on the Gulf Coast of Florida. So freshen yourself up and change your panties and shave yourself and be ready for that phone call and we will be discussing the color of women’s assholes when we get to Destin Florida where that is the discussion out around the Tiki Bar at Pompano Joe’s as Petie the bartender is mixing drinks and he will describing the color of women’s assholes and he will be choosing the Best Asshole on the Gulf Coast on Anal Sex Day right here on Where is Wayne Ball where Petie will be calling in and describing the color of your asshole and we will be discussing the threats he has made on my Blow Fish asshole for calling him Petie because I saw or ate or looked at or had Karen Brook’s Beaver in my bed and on the couch and outside on the lanai and all over the house and in the Cabana Bar which was a shock to me, it is against the rules to have sex in the Bar and we will be discussing the dos and don’t of the Cabana Bar and all the have’s and have not’s of the Bubba’s of the Gulf Coast of Florida and that’s where they have me or not and so forth and so on so check back in tomorrow or soon when we get to Destin Florida where you can hear Karen’s Beaver say….
Karen’s Beaver: Now I have had about 3 or 4 orgasms here on the couch and they were quite intense and if we go into the bedroom I don’t know if I can handle it and then in the bedroom I have had about 5 or 6 more orgasms that were extremely intense and I don’t know if I can handle it any more and then I screamed Oh Petie and then freaked out and ran out the door and said I can’t take any more but you sure are cute….
Blow Fish: She took her beaver and left and I have to explain that Petie is a married man and his wife must take it in the asshole and so must Karen Brooks because that is all Petie talks about while serving drinks and giving it to all the waitresses at Pompano Joes in the sleepy little beach town of Miramar Beach FL and we don’t call them Pompano servers, we call them Pompano Hoes and you will too when you hear about them because you can’t keep your job if you don’t give that ass up to Petie and his ass is going to be locked up just like mine as soon as his wife reads this and I need to know which real estate office she works for so that you will read that Petie’s wife is filing for divorce because she has already warned him to stop screwing those Pompano Hoes and he hasn’t stopped and never will and he is a Redneck Bubba and we are just getting started you bunch of dumb ass mother fuckers and I will say that Randy Gibson is right I am just hiding out from the police or am I Randy Gibson because it would appear to me that there may be more there than meets the eye and I ended the source of my pink eye problem in Atlanta and now I’m on the Gulf Coast at the World Famous Flora Bama Lounge and Tiki Bar and my special guest today is Kenny Chesney and everyone welcome my good friend Kenny Chesney to the show with a big round of applause.
Kenny Chesney: Hey Bobby what’s up? Holy shit that was a long intro!
Blow Fish: Why do you country western stars always call me by another name? Can’t you remember anyone’s name?
Kenny Chesney: I know your name brother its Wayne Ball. I just like to call people Bobby.
Blow Fish: Kenny what the hell are you doing setting yourself on fire. Geno is always setting me on fire and then pissing on my ashes or Gordon is lighting his cigar on my corpse. Why were you on fire in Philadelphia last week?
Kenny Chesney: Bobby I wasn’t on fire I think what you are referring to is that I was hot that night and a fan said I was on fire but I do remember when you and I were on fire at Tootsie’s upstairs in Nashville and I was singing lead and you sang backup and you were wailing back there man and cracking me up with your Cledus style of singing.
Blow Fish: Yes that was my Cledus disguise that I wore in Nashville but today I am Blow Fish and Gene Luciano will be here soon to light up my Blow Fish ass and run me over with his son’s pick up truck.
Gene Lucian: OK Blow Fish you’re asking for it I will be there to set your ass on fire and piss on you and then blow your fucking blow fish brains out.
Blow Fish: I’m not looking forward to that and neither is Petie because I told him we will have to wait and see….
Petie: I will fuck you up!
Blow Fish: Oh Petie can’t you take a little joke.
So now we will see and now I am saying see Bubba but we are here today at the Flora -Bama Lounge and Tiki Bar looking for the Bale Maker and we have lucked up and are joining in on the charitable celebration to Save the Mullet. That’s right today is the day that the local Bubbas set aside each year to celebrate the local fish called the Mullet and to educate the locals on the preservation of the mullet population.
Kenny Chesney: Well there’s a good turn out. Not quite as good as my last concert here. We had the first 14 rows under water. This was the first beach front concert I had ever done and it was quite a turn out.
Blow Fish: Kenny I swear to God you are so full of shit I think I will call you a Mullet. You say the same shit all the time it doesn’t matter where the hell you are you just call people Bobby because it’s easier to repeat the same name and you describe the concert the same way. The crowd is beautiful and loud and the first 14 rows are under water every fucking concert and there are a million stars in the sky!
Kenny Chesney: I hate to correct you Bobby but the fish that is full of shit is not the Mullet. It’s the catfish.
Blow Fish: So why in the hell are you going to Miami to see if the catfish are biting in one of your songs? You don’t fish for catfish in Miami or the Keys. If you want to fish for a bottom feeding scum sucker you have to go to Pensacola FL and that’s where we are going tomorrow to look up Martin Levin’s family tree to see what he’s up to these days and see if there are anymore attorney jokes that he doesn’t approve of.
Wayne’s Mother from the Grave: Wayne Ball this is your Mother from Heaven and not from the grave and I want my caller id changed and I want you to stop talking like one of those Country Music stars and who is that fellar standing there beside you. He’s cute.
Kenny Chesney: It’s just me Wayne’s mother from heaven and not from the grave, Kenny Chesney.
Blow Fish: Mother this is Kenny Chesney and if you want to know why I can’t change your caller id you’ll just have to read the blog from day 1. So please don’t ask me again just read back and catch up or you may miss something like who this is I’m standing beside.
Wayne’s mother from the grave: Wayne Ball this is your Mother and you change my caller id this instance and you had that lovely southern gentleman Zac Brown on the Show yesterday and he is just a model parent did you know he is supporting a black family and all their children and aunts and uncles and they all live on his land scot free?
Zac Brown: Hang on a minute there Wayne’s Mother from the grave not from Heaven or that other place that is really exclusive and hard to get into I am not supporting my colored girls family scot free. They work for me on my land and on the road. They are my back up singers and also load all the equipment and my roadies and they even cook my fried chicken that I feed to the crowds that are outside drinking beer and tailgating so they have no free ride. Everyone has to pull their on even my colored girl works me over real good and I think I will go see her right now. So I am off to my colored girl house to get me some. Excuse me Mrs. Ball I am out of here and thank you for calling me a southern gentleman; I will take that as a real compliment.
Wayne’s mother from the grave: He is such a wonderful young man. I wish Kenny Chesney was more like him.
Kenny Chesney: Why just because I don’t sleep with black girls I’m not a southern gentleman?
Blow Fish: No Kenny that’s not it see where we come from we were like the slave owners like Zac Brown who has colored slaves living on his land that help him out but from where you come from you’re all a bunch of hillbilly bubbas that just sit around and drink moonshine and play banjos and sing country music all day and night and you hang out in the kitchen at night paying the guitar and sing the same old country song over and over never trying something new and it is just beneath us to be so damn hillbilly.
Billy Bob: I don’t think the fact that I play the same song over and over and only know one song makes me a stupid Bubba. I mean I can play other songs but I just like Sweet Magnolia and I just play it over and over because I just like it so much, that doesn’t make me a stupid Bubba.
Blow Fish: Well if I had known you were calling in Billy Bob I would have had the audience applaud please next time let me know in advance I can introduce you properly. Well how the hell are you doing Billy Bob? How’s it hanging and while Zac Brown is here have you tried his Bai Coconut Water to see if it makes your dick bigger? Fayla might like that.
Wayne’s Mother from the grave: Wayne Ball you know that is vulgar language to use in front of your Mother so I am going back to heaven not the grave and please tell that lovely man Zac Brown that I love that song With Her Legs Straight up that he does all the time. Billy Bob why don’t you sing that one to your wife Fayla and maybe she will put her legs straight up every now and again and maybe she will.
Blow Fish: Mother that is really none of our business I think Billy Bob drinks so much beer that when he has sex with Fayla she gets a yeast infection and then it takes her weeks to get over it and then months before she wants it again.
Billy Bob: I won’t say weeks and months. I would say days and weeks.
Wayne’s Mother from the grave: Billy Bob I haven’t seen your mother up here lately.
Billy Bob: Well she is living is North Florida on the property I bought for them and in the house I gave them.
Blow Fish: Now Billy Bob I think the correct term is a Trailer House and that’s something Terri Lynn has a special interest in.
Terri Lynn: Hell yea just give me a ring up here and in my trailer house and I will be sittin up here drinkin beer all day long cause I aint got shit to do cause I aint got a slick of cents.
Billy Bob: That’s not nice. My mother doesn’t talk like that.
Blow Fish: Well that’s the way Terri Lynn and her redneck family with an Indian background and I mean a red skin background make fun of Georgia rednecks so you may want to check your neck their brother cause we are about to look up your family tree and we don’t have to go very far. Lets see your sister had an illegitimate child raised as your brother by your mother who cleaned houses for a living and you helped her as a child and your father was a shade tree mechanic in your words and was a drunk in my words and never worked so does that sound correct sir?
Billy Bob: Well yes but why are you doing this to me?
Blow Fish: No one knows who you are I’ve changed your name and besides you owe me a hundred dollars and a ball cap from Yost Van Dyke you asshole so I guess when you pay up I will stop fucking with you so lets just say that I don’t give a shit about the $100. I would have gladly given you a hundred to pay your prostitute if I had known your wife would have really checked the ATM card withdrawal the next morning and I gave your wife a hundred when she made me pay her back for the hundred you said I borrowed from you to pay for my prostitute which was really your prostitute and yes I actually have hundreds or thousands of dollars in my pocket all the time something called walking around money not spending money which is what you have in your pocket only you ain’t got no spending money so if you can find a Yost Van Dyke Yacht Club hat like Kenny Chesney is wearing today you can mail it to me on my sailing yacht on my Tiki Bar Tour and then I will stop talking about it on the internet you asshole so until then I will just use you as an example of what a Bubba is until I get to my next Port of Call.
Kenny Chesney: Bobby I mean Wayne did he really steal your Yost Van Dyke Yacht Club hat from you?
Blow Fish: Yes he and his fishing buddies ganged up on me and took my hat to teach me a lesson that I shouldn’t steal hats from yacht clubs.
Kenny Chesney: Don’t these stupid Bubbas know that it’s a resort not a club and you check into the resort and you go to the gift shop and buy a hat or a T shirt?
Blow Fish: No these stupid Bubbas go to hunting camps and fishing camps and not resorts so they are too stupid to know but ignorance is no excuse. Possession is nine tenths of the law to theses stupid assholes so it’s mob rule down here on the Redneck Riviera. They make the laws they live by and they change the laws when they need to protect themselves and they back each other up when they do. It’s the Bubbas code. It’s a mob rule. Its let’s get a rope and a tree and deal with this nigger mentality. Its screw you before you can screw me because you were about to screw me and then its lie to cover it up cause you got no proof.
Kenny Chesney: Well what are you going to do about it bother?
Blow Fish: I have already forgiven him but I don’t have a hat so I guess I will come down and visit you and show you how to hide your key better than leaving it in the conch shell in the third thatch hut on the left with the empty chair on the beach and get me another Yost hat. I guess we can ride over there in you dinghy.
Kenny Chesney: You mean my boat in the Yost Van Dyke marina brother?
Blow Fish: That’s it.
Billy Bob: So I am suppose to buy you a hat and give you a hundred dollar bill back. Well I’m not going to do it because you just told my wife that I lied to her and had sex with a stripper and blamed the whole thing on you.
Blow Fish: So back to the Festival. Wow look at the people here at the Mullet Festival at the Flora Bama.
Kenny Chesney: What’s this about Zac Brown saying his music is better than mine?
Blow Fish: Well I think Zac Brown is a little jealous of your success and he wants to voice his discontent on this blog.
Kenny Chesney: I thought this was a radio show where you are investigating the Bubbas of the Gulf Coast and not a list of grievances.
Blow Fish: That’s exactly correct Kenny but some people are trying to use it to express there discountenance and their grievances and I have my first caller from Woodstock GA. Go ahead miss.
Laura Fritz: I just wanted to call and tell you that I am calling Blue Balls and telling her that I know where you are and she will send the police over there and arrest your ass asap Mister Blow Fish alias Wayne Ball because I know who you are and I am warning you that I will call your X wife and tell her where you are.
Blow Fish: See Kenny I already have a list of discontents and we have just started the Tiki Bar Tour.
Kenny Chesney: What’s her problem?
Blow Fish: She wants to give me a blow job but doesn’t like to use those words so she just beats around the bush and calls it all kinds of things like she has been shot down again or something similar like I just want to go live on your house boat.
Kenny Chesney: Brother do you have a house boat?
Blow Fish: Hell no. I wouldn’t be caught dead on a piece of shit house boat but she would. She wants to die on a house boats that’s decorated like a little ole lady’s house and I won’t give her what she wants so she tries all kinds of ways to trick me into giving her what she wants which is my dick in her mouth and her fat ass on a house boat. Only she doesn’t have an ass but wants it in the ass anyway and I won’t give her that because I’m sure she would have me arrested for putting it there and I think my buddy Gay Scot doesn’t realize that his favorite position is going to get him arrested one day so he better watch out.
Gay Scot: What are you talking about now Wayne?
Blow Fish: Well I know that your favorite position is when you get a girl drunk and then start screwing her and then she passes out and you wait for her to fall asleep soundly and then you fuck her in the ass. I think you call it taking advantage of the situation.
Gay Scot: I don’t call it that I think its called Sodomy. I think it’s illegal from what you say.
Blow Fish: Well I know my friend down in Naples screwed his wife in the ass and then when they got a divorce because she turned out to be a whore and a drug addict and she charged him with sodomy and the charge stuck because she had a witness that stated that he was fucking her in the ass. So you better watch out because you could be arrested for the same charge and also anal rape because you didn’t ask the girl if you could screw her in the ass as well.
Gay Scot: You know I’m gay now and only screw Dan the Big Ole Fag in the asshole so why are making an issue of this?
Blow Fish: Well I told my buddy Carl the Poacher that you were screwing women in the ass when you got them drunk and they passed out and warned him that he better watch you around his daughter because she is at that age where she wants to experiment with having sex with older men and she might think that you look like Robert Redford or something and then end up fucked in the butt by a faggot and get Aids and then Carl the Poacher told you that just like I knew he would and you said what a bunch of crap and then you saw me in Pasti’s last night looking for my source of discontent which is now your source of discontent and you shot me a bird and now we are here airing your dirty laundry in public so you better watch out because when the blog gets popular you won’t be able to go out in public without a woman walking up to you and saying do you want to buy me a drunk, get me drunk, I’ll pass out and fuck me in the asshole so I can have you arrested and you will say hey I’m Gay and you will mean it because there won’t be a woman in Atlanta that will have sex with you fucking rapist!
Gay Scot: I don’t see what you mean. I just let them pass out and then I do what comes natural and fuck them in the asshole.
Terri Lynn: Yes he does. He just does what comes natural and I am sure it feels great but I can never remember because I am out like a light right when I stop drinking because I love that feeling of drinking until I pass out.
Gay Scot: See. I’m just trying to teach these drunk women that they need to stop drinking so much that they pass out and soon they will stop drinking so much and I won’t have to teach the lesson anymore.
Terri Lynn: I don’t want to learn that lesson. That sounds terrible. Just leave me alone if you want me to change. I love the way I am.
Kenny Chesney: What in the hell are they talking about Bobby? I have never heard of people screwing each other in the asshole when they pass out.
Blow Fish: Well it is kind of like when you record a song with Jimmy Buffet or should I say when you allow Jimmy Buffet to sing along with you on your song and then he steals your song and sings it without you or just has Mack Mcanally sing your part only I swear to God he must pay Mcanally to sing worst than him so the whole song gets fucked up and you are screwed out of your royalty and no one gets any enjoyment out of the whole song except for Jimmy Buffet. So I think Jimmy Buffet is screwing you in the asshole when you fall asleep.
Kenny Chesney: I do not know what you are talking about brother maybe you can give me an example. I thought Jimmy Buffet was a music icon and if I recorded a song with him it makes me a big ole music icon just like him and he has always been a hero of mine.
Blow Fish: Well here’s an example. I have a house in the Florida Keys and Jimmy Buffet came down to Key West and tried to screw one of my girl friends while I was away. She showed me photos of the two of them together so I know it’s true. The thing is she didn’t have sex with him because the guy looked like he was dead or something.
Kenny Chesney: Well Bobby I know that’s a line from Captain Ron so I guess you won’t put any naked pictures of me on the blog but why did he look like he was dead?
Blow Fish: I think the guy never goes out in the sun. He looked like a corpse or something. It was scary looking. Now you know I have some good looking girl friends and this girl is one of the best looking women in the Keys if not the best looking woman in the Keys which isn’t saying much because the rest of them are just a bunch of fucking sea hag whores. But Jimmy Buffet looked deader than shit to quote Geno and look at those Mullets the locals are throwing around. They look deader than shit.
Kenny Chesney: This is called a Mullet toss. They see who can throw the mullet farther.
Blow Fish: That’s odd. I’ve been to allot of festivals before. Arts festivals, beer festivals, and seafood festivals and they always serve the seafood and drink the beer and admire the art they don’t throw it at each other. I think I will never understand these stupid Bubbas. They have a benefit to preserve a fish and then celebrate it by killing a bunch of them and throwing them at each other to see who can throw it further and make a TV show about it and show it on the travel channel so people will see it and say hey I think I want to go spend my whole vacation throwing a dead fish too. Boy that looks like a bunch of redneck fun.
Kenny Chesney: Now that’s some funny shit Bobby. I can’t wait to see what happens next. Boy you really have a rough crew of characters assembled here a madman killer Italian mobster, porn producers, Russian mobsters, drug smugglers and more Bubbas to set up.
Blow Fish; That’s true Kenny and I am headed back down to the Keys on the Tiki Bar Tour to find out who the Bale Maker is theses days and then get them all set up and locked up so you better watch out Key West and Big Pine Key and Miami and Ft Lauderdale and Boca Raton and I haven’t forgotten West Palm Beach. Do you know that there is a porn producer there that is filming Girls Gone Wild Episodes on his personal boat in board daylight right under the police noses with live sex acts and nudity?
Kenny Chesney: My goodness. That sounds nasty as hell!
Blow Fish: I hate to tell you this but he has a No Shoes Nation Flag flying on his boat and it’s included in the filming of the porn. He has these strippers from the Cheetah Strip Bar dancing with their clothes off on the back of the boat and they actually touch the flag as they dance as he has instructed them to. It’s all apart of the porn movie and now so is you. He is going to ruin your good name by including it in the porn movies he’s producing.
Kenny Chesney: That son of a bitch. I don’t want to be associated with anything so sleazy. I am going to sue his ass off if he tries to distribute that porn with the good name of my barefoot nation on each episode.
Blow Fish: Why do you think there will be episodes?
Kenny Chesney: Well that’s what these guys do theses days. They film episodes so you have to check back in to see what happens next and see who is having sex with who. It’s all over the internet. They just do anything they want to.
Blow Fish: Thanks for the heads up. I will have to investigate this further when I get around to West Palm Beach and tell this guy to keep your good name out of the porn he’s making on his boat. How disgraceful and he even includes his wife in the production and is trying to make a porn star out of her. She’s a good looking woman too. I think I would pay to see her naked.
Kenny Chesney: That’s what theses porn producers do they just exploit anyone. I heard that your buddy Geno has a porn business in Miami. How’s that going?
Gene Luciano: Ok you bunch of country music ass holes. I’m adding Kenny Chesney to my death list. Blow Fish don’t you start in on my porn production business in Miami. I don’t need anybody snooping around trying to find out what we’re up to.
Blow Fish: I know what you’re up to Geno. So I think I know why Gay Scot doesn’t wake up Terri Lynn and all these other women when he sodomizes them after they fall asleep.
Gay Scot: You make anal rape sound so dirty!
Blow Fish: Well I think you don’t wake them up because you are still drinking tap water and the government is putting chemicals in the water so your dick will get smaller because you’re so fucking stupid and they don’t want you spreading the gay gene.
Kenny Chesney: What in the hell is a gay gene?
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish you son of a bitch you get that niggers dick out of my butt and my name away from Gay Scot’s little pecker.
Kenny Chesney: What in the hell are you all talking about? I have never heard of a gay gene.
Blow Fish: Gene Luciano explained it perfectly. Its that gene that Gay Scot has that makes him gay at birth and then he just tries to sleep with women and then one day realizes that he’s gay and then he just starts sleeping with his best buddy Dan the Big Ole Fag.
Dan the Big Ole Fag: I love a big ole faggot name like that and Scot, I wish you would drink some of that Bai Coconut Water that Zac Brown is selling so you can stick a big ole gay dick up my butt instead of that little faggot Italian pecker that you are stuck with or I’m stuck with or that’s stuck up in me.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish don’t you start in on my little Italian pecker shit again or I will come up there and blow your fucking blow fish brains all over the Flora Bama line.
Blow Fish: Wow Geno I think you have found the 143rd way you are going to kill me and it’s now on the Flora Bama line.
Wayne’s Mother from the grave: Wayne Ball this is your Mother and I gave you a direct order to get my id name changed and you haven’t done it and now you are talking like a bunch of Kansas City faggots.
Gene Luciano: I got it. I can save my ass here. That’s a line from the Sound of Music.
Blow Fish: No Geno. That’s from Blazing Saddles where a faggot gang of Italian cowboys are trying to kill the nigger all get up and dance like a bunch of Kansas City Faggots around the camp fire like Gay Scot does when he goes on vacation.
Gay Scot: I love to camp and it’s so cheap you just drive up to the camp ground and buy a pass and then sleep in your truck and have sex and then go back home the next day. It’s cheap and I don’t have time to drive very far so I just drive up a couple exits north on the interstate highway and its just cheap and easy and so am I.
Blow Fish: Well Gay Scot that’s a trait of the gay gene. You just like things cheap and easy and sleazy. That’s why you fuck women in the asshole after they fall asleep. It’s cheap and easy and sleazy and gay and against the law because it’s rape and sodomy and anal rape and one day you will be in the newspaper with your dick in some woman’s asshole and she will be setting you up for me so go ahead and continue to do what just comes natural to you and we will see you and That Big Ole Fag Dan in court together were you explain to the jury of your peers that you were just doing what comes natural and they suggest to the judge that you should have your dick cut off you asshole!
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish you son of a bitch stop using my name with the word gay or I will blow you fucking blow fish ass up to heaven so you can be with your mother.
Blow Fish: Thanks Geno that’s the best death threat yet. That’s number 144.
Kenny Chesney: How come you get to call him Geno and he doesn’t kill you and I say it one time and then I’m on his death list. What an asshole he is.
Gene Luciano: Alright that does it. Where are you hillbilly hick? I’m sending Gordon up to where ever you are and he’s going to blow you away to Hillbilly heaven.
Blow Fish: I don’t think Kenny Chesney under stands this sensitive situation Geno. See Kenny, Geno has already threatened to kill me about 142 different ways but I think Hillbilly Heaven sounds better than the Collier county landfill and much better than the Forsyth county land fill and thank you Geno for your call. You reminded me what I needed at talk to Kenny Chesney about today on the blog. See Kenny I think some one is going to try and steal your boat.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish don’t you even think about sticking that crime on me and you still have that nigger’s dick in my asshole and it’s starting to hurt and I keep seeing all these green leprechauns walking around in Naples and they’re laughing at me and disrespecting me and if they keep it up I’m going to start blowing they’re fucking brains out. So stop telling these people to harass me by dying their hair green and coming to where I am having dinner and laughing at me and then running away. I am going to start blowing their fucking brains out on the spot if they don’t stop disrespecting me.
Blow Fish: Sorry Geno but you asked for it. I told you I gave that green leprechaun the sign yesterday to start tormenting you for setting me up at the Champagne Bar in Downtown Naples on the weekend after St Patty’s Day. I said I wanted my boat back so if it doesn’t show back up at my slip at Naples City Dock these green leprechauns are going to keep chasing you around town laughing behind your back and telling everyone how you stole my boat and then didn’t take possession of it because you are too chicken shit to go anywhere close to it, I warned you yesterday. So return my boat and I will give them the sign to leave you alone but until then they are going to be on your ass like shit on stink or stink on shit as the Bubbas of the Gulf Coast put it. I may just post a photo of you walking out on the Naples City Dock coming to steal the boat on the blog for all the world to see just like the photo of your asshole. Once again thank you for reminding me of what I need to talk to Kenny Chesney about today Geno. Kenny I think some one is going to steal your boat.
Kenny Chesney: That’s not good Bobby. What makes you think that?
Gene Luciano: It doesn’t fucking matter I’m killing you all and the green leprechauns and better yet I think I will just go down to Naples City Police Station and file a complaint about theses green leprechauns running around town and get the police to deal with the problem and then they will all be arrested and thrown in the county jail and they wouldn’t ever be seen again. The whole problem will just disappear.
Blow Fish: That’s what I want to talk to the Bubbas of the Gulf Coast about. They think they can just throw my Blow Fish ass in the poky and then they would never see me again but I think it’s about to bite them in the ass starting tomorrow when I sail into Pensacola Bay and right into the Pensacola Beach Yacht Club and find the Tiki Bar and the Bale Maker and the person or persons responsible for the injustice that is called the Escambia County Judicial System. I have a caller and I know this caller id. Go ahead caller.
Lynne Lane: Hey I hear you’re coming back in town and my mother told me not to have sex with you the first day you get back but I can stop by and suck your dick off.
Blow Fish: You mean all you can do is give me a blow job because of your mother. Don’t you think you are a little old to be taking orders from your mother?
Lynne Lane: Well I just do what I want to do and just lie to her.
Blow Fish: Then why can you only give me a blow job?
Lynne Lane: Because if I have sex with you then she will ask me and I will slip up and tell her I did because I am a terrible liar and see always gets the truth out of me like the time I had sex with my girl friend and I told her about it because I cant keep my big mouth shut. Hang on someone is at the door and he looks like he is a really nice person so I gotta go have sex with him but call me tomorrow or I will catch you on the blog and suck your dick. Bye!
Kenny Chesney: Wow what a whore! Who was that Bobby?
Blow Fish: I’m embarrassed to say. But listen Kenny I think I need your help with these porn producers. You seem to know more about this industry than I do so if you don’t mind I would like to call on you from time to time and you can help me take that No Shoes Nation flag down off that porn producer’s boat on the East Coast. That is just a disgrace to the whole bare foot nation as a whole.
Kenny Chesney: I heard that. Yea man. Just give me a call. That guy has got to be stopped. That just sounds disgraceful.
Blow Fish: Thanks man. Maybe you can make me understand more about these porn episodes that are on the internet the next time you are on the show. I have another caller. Go ahead caller.
Shelley: Wayne it’s Shelley. I am at the front door and there are county sheriffs from two counties, state attorneys from two counties, DEA agents, FBI agents, a SWAT team and 2 guys dressed in camouflage with their faces painted up like they have been hiding in the bushes outside wanting me to open the door.
Blow Fish: Where is Mark? Well he left about 20 minutes ago and had a 20 lb bale of pot with him and was headed to the paint store and then he came flying back up the driveway and ran and jumped over the fence in back with the bale of pot. There’s another 20 lb. bale in the pump house.
Blow Fish: Where’s the cocaine?
Shelley: It under the sofa in the living room.
Blow Fish: Where are the guns?
Shelley: The assault rifles are in a duffle bag up in the attic.
Blow Fish: What are you wearing?
Shelley: I’m in a T-shirt and panties. They just woke me up. What are you wearing?
Blow Fish: I’m wearing boxer shorts and a T shirt writing the blog.
Shelley: Aren’t you in the guest room?
Blow Fish: No I left early this morning. I guess you need to open the door. It sounds like you guys are going to jail. That’s what happens with you fuck with the DEA.
I have another caller and I know who this is. Go ahead it’s my Attorney Friend’s Vegas Show Girl hot damn!
Escambia County Clerk of the Court: Blow Fish I heard you are coming back in town and I want you to stay in my beach condo again out on Pensacola Beach so I can have sex with you and please don’t tell my husband or he may want to join in and he will just ruin the whole thing as he always does. So I will see you then.
Blow Fish: Well that was a good call. Sounds like I’m going to be getting some from my attorney friend’s Vegas Show Girl. So check back in tomorrow when you will hear my attorney friend say “Blow Fish you ass hole stay away from my Vegas Show Girl. You get your own Vegas Show Girl and leave mine alone and stay out of my beach condo.”
You don’t want to miss that so check on the blog tomorrow when my special musical guest is the music icon previously known as Jimmy Buffet but soon to be called That Song Stealing Jimmy Buffet.