This comes as quite a surprise. I was awoken this morning abruptly by the house keeper yelling at the dog screaming out “Give me my sexual devices” So I ran into the living room to find that my chocolate lab had retrieved all the used dildos from the bottom of the pool that had been thrown in by the Lesbos next door over the night and was laying on them like they were her babies and Carmen the housekeeper was trying to take them away while the dog was about to bite her. I had to coax the dog into the kitchen with food so the housekeeper could gather up her babies or her litter of dildos and throw them away. I guess the dog has had her fill of chewing up the dildos and decided instead to give birth to them. Very disarming situation and I have got to get to the bottom of this before I leave town in the morning and Ladies and Gentleman the Amazing Zac Brown Band with Where the Boat Leaves From is the featured song of the day and the featured artist and my guest and friend Zac Brown.
Zac Brown: Thanks everyone and this is a real honor being the first country music star to appear on Where is Wayne Ball. Buddy Roo I really appreciate the honor and I am glad I’m here instead of that Kenny Chesney fellar whose music you played yesterday.
Blow Fish: Thanks Zac. I wanted to play your song today because tomorrow I head to Where the Boat Leaves From and I have Kenny Chesney coming on the Big Show tomorrow and need to deal with him on his Yost song.
Zac Brown: What the hell is a Yost song? I’ve never heard of that before.
Blow Fish: It’s this song where he describes where the boat leaves from and gives the exact location and a description and even tells where the key to the boat is. Now he spreads it out in several songs and I guess you have to buy the whole CD to get the exact location or buy each song and download it but if you do you could find the empty chair on the beach, which thatch hut it is and where the key is and then you could just walk in the house and get the key to the boat and steal the boat. He is really setting himself up to have his boat stolen.
Zac Brown: Why would he do that? I don’t give the location of where your boat leaves from. I just meet you there and we go sailing and I even made a video and used it in concert and it doesn’t even show what the boat looks like. So why would he give that much information out?
Blow Fish: Well I guess he just thinks about selling records and not about people listening to the lyrics and his fans chasing him down where the boat leaves from and stealing it. It’s going to catch up with him one day and he’s going to go back to Yost and to the third thatch roof on the left and look for the key in the conch shell and it won’t be there. The door will be open and there will already be someone sitting in his empty chair on the beach and his boat will be gone.
Zac Brown: That’s terrible Buddy Roo. Why don’t you tell him before its too late? He really is setting himself up for his boat to be stolen.
Blow Fish: That’s exactly what I will do tomorrow. That’s a good idea Zac.
Zac Brown: I’m glad I could help besides I like this song and think you have made a better selection today than the Kenny Chesney song yesterday about a Hillbilly Lifestyle.
Long Arm of the Law: I hate to disagree with you Mr. Zac Brown but the Kenny Chesney song from yesterday was about having sex Hillbilly style which is where the man gets on top, the woman gets down on all four and he screws her from behind. That’s what Hillbilly Lifestyle is about. Having Hillbilly sex.
Terri Lynn: Wayne Ball who the hell is this little whore and is she in your house?
Blow Fish: Terri Lynn I told you I was leaving town yesterday. Headed to the Gulf Coast to start my Tiki Bar Tour why are you bothering me at work. I have criminals, friends, and relatives and their children to set up. I don’t have time to deal with your jealousy today. I am out of town until future notice. So if you blog in again I will be responding with a Gone Fishing Auto Response Notice.
Terri Lynn: I know for a fact you are in town. I drove by last night and there were a bunch of whores hanging around outside waiting to throw there used dildos in your pool and I think I saw a few of them I know or have seen you with in Pasti’s in Downtown Historic Roswell on those nights when I was there and you wouldn’t even speak to me and I could barely see you for all the women hanging around you and what about me?
Blow Fish: Now this sounds more like Jodie McWhorter. I recognize those accusations and the whinnying “What about me” that I have heard so many times before. So what’s up Jodie McWhorter and how are you calling in with Terri Lynn’s caller id?
Jodie McWhorter: Wayne Ball who is this little whore that thinks she knows more about sex than the rest of us and is telling us about Hillbilly sex?
Blow Fish: I explained yesterday who she was so if you want to know who a character is you just have to read back to find out who they are. So I am telling you one time and one time only. Read the blog from the beginning and catch up and tell your friends when you tell them about the blog to read it from the beginning because I will not stand for these interruptions. Now Jodie go away and I will deal with you and your mother and her gang and her boss when I get back from my Tiki Bar Tour in Florida and before you ask, No you cannot come along with me and again how are you calling in with Terri Lynn’s caller id?
Jodie McWhorter: I just entered your number and dialed the phone just like my mother told me to do and she did the rest and I think they have some way to make anonymous calls and to falsify their phone numbers so that if they want you to think they are the police for instance they will enter the Sandy Springs Police Department into the caller id and that’s what you see when you look at the caller id. I don’t know. I was just told to ask you who that little whore was and when are you going to marry me and make me rich so my mother and her crew can steal your wealth from you?
Blow Fish: Once again I am going to repeat it one more time. If you read back you will see that I just stated that I am leaving on my Tiki Bar Tour which is sounding like allot more fun than listening to you whine and when I get back I will be setting up your mother and her crew as you call it or gang as I call it and her boss as well. So when your mother wants to know what I’m up to just tell her to read the blog from the beginning and when her gang wants to know what I’m up to tell them to read the blog from the beginning and when your mom’s boss wants to know what I’m up to just tell him to call Bob Taylor in Columbus GA and when Bob Taylor in Columbus GA wants to know what I’m up to he can just ask my sister Carol Taylor and she can tell him because I’m sure he will tell her do not read the blog and she will probably not obey him and read the blog to find out when Bob Taylor and your mother’s boss are planning to do her in or kill her off or dispose of her in a mental institute. So Read the blog from Day 1 if you want to know who the little whore is that thinks she knows more about Hillbilly sex than you do.
Zac Brown: Wow what a bunch of asshole women you know Buddy Roo. I thought she was asking me what Hillbilly sex was all about since I’m the music expert here.
The Long Arm of the Law: I know what this song is about and it’s about people having sex in a Hillbilly style or fashion and that position or style is similar to doggie style except the woman is on top.
Zac Brown: What in God’s name are you talking about?
Terri Lynn: Good morning Honey I just heard something about having Hillbilly sex on the blog and I am just checking in to see if you are giving me any more money today before you leave, if not I am headed to Country Club of the South to pick up another payment from my big ole gangster lover and then get back home before Maurice realizes I’m gone. He likes me to be there and naked when he gets home after playing golf and I always aim to please.
Zac Brown: Now that sounds interesting. What do you wear when he returns from playing golf because my colored girl always welcomes me at the door completely naked with whip cream where her pussy hair should be but she is shaved clean as a whistle?
Terri Lynn: I will be completely naked and freshly shower and smelling sweet as wine because I will be drinking wine and I am good to go.
Zac Brown: Well I think I will ask my colored girl if she will be drinking wine when I walk in and ask her to put away all the children so they can’t watch us have sex this time. I am getting tired of them acting out our sexual assaults after the fact and having to tell them to stop acting like little perverts.
Blow Fish: I had a similar problem with X wife number 2. But before we delve into that asshole I have this photo of Geno’s asshole and need to get it analyzed by an expert to see if it is just a playful shot of a full moon or was this actually intended as a gay offer of sex.
Zac Brown: Gene Luciano isn’t going to like this but go ahead. Who are you sending it to?
Blow Fish: Well I just texted it to my buddy here in Atlanta, Gay Scot.
Gay Scot: I just received your text. Wow is this some porn you found on the internet?
Blow Fish: No it’s a photo of Gene Luciano’s ass hole that he calls a full moon shot but it looks more like a gay proposal of sex to me. I mean when women send me theses photos it means that they are trying to get you interested in their body and want you to screw them in the ass.
Gay Scot: I would fuck him in the ass if he sent me that photo. It’s defiantly a turn on.
Blow Fish: I thought so and I knew that you would know if he was a gay man looking for a gay partner. So do you think Dan the Big Ole Fag would like the photo too?
Gay Scot: I showed it to him while I looked at it and we both thought it was sexy as hell. This guy is defiantly trying to get you to put it in his ass. He must be a swinger.
Blow Fish: I knew it. He’s turned out to be a swinging fag just like you and Dan the Big Ole Fag.
Gay Scot: We are not gay. I was just telling you that if he were over here with his pants dropped down and bending over he would defiantly get a dick popped in his ass.
Blow Fish: Ok then who would be giving it to him you or Dan the Big Ole Fag.
Gay Scot: I would be giving it to Dan and Dan would be giving it to Geno.
Gene Luciano: Who the fuck just called me Geno and who the hell thinks they are popping something in my asshole?
Gay Scot: Well I thought that if you were pulling your pants down and bending over then you would be asking for it Mr. Luciano. I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I was just going to give you what you were begging for because it looks to me from the photo that you are begging for a big ole dick in your ass so I thought I would just give it to you.
Blow Fish: Geno I think what Gay Scot means is that he just wants to stick his dick in your ass and put you out of your misery because you are obviously begging for it.
Gene Luciano: I want to know where you two fags are so I can come over and put you out of your misery. I guess I will be killing all of Blow Fish’s friends on my next trip up there. I think the count is now 4. I will have to bring a bigger vehicle.
Blow Fish: Why is that Geno? You don’t think you can fit all of us in the trunk of your Mercedes?
Gene Luciano: No I don’t and I think I will need a truck loaded with bullshit so you don’t start stinking so I’m killing you all in Atlanta and covering you with bull shit to hold down the stink and hauling you to the Collier County landfill for a proper burial.
Blow Fish: I think I know of a closer landfill from Atlanta than the Collier County landfill Geno. There’s another one up in Forsyth County only I think the locals up there have just about filled it up with boaters but I wouldn’t doubt if it will hold a Blow Fish, a guitar boy and couple big ole Atlanta fags.
Gene Luciano: OK Blow Fish. You send me a map to the landfill and I will save myself a long truck ride or save my son a long truck ride. So where is it?
Blow Fish: Well you haul your load off straight up GA400 from downtown Atlanta and it’s at the end of the road on the left.
Gene Luciano: Alright I will take you all up there and dispose of you properly. Is there a dump fee for human waste?
Blow Fish: I think they charge by the ton so it would be a minimum charge of $40.
Gene Luciano: Well that is reasonable and that will save me money sending my boy up there in that big old pickup truck he has. That thing goes thru some fuel.
Gay Scot: Don’t you mean allot of gas Geno.
Gene Luciano: Look you dumb ass gay pervert. I heard you want to fuck me in the ass so you’re done for but if you need to know my son’s truck burns diesel and that is fuel not gas you dumb faggot son of a bitch.
Blow Fish: Geno by the way that reminds me did you get your restaurant rated by that faggot restaurant reviewer that comes around and samples your menu and then gives you a fagot rating.
Gene Luciano: I certainly did not. I am not concerned what a faggot thinks of the food in any of my restaurants either in Naples or in Sarasota.
Blow Fish: Well I think you might want to consider getting them out there and sample your food in case they just show up and sample it without you knowing. They might get the $39.95 special with the free bottle of wine and the poison is in the wine and then get sick and have to go to the hospital and nearly die. I mean our buddy Mikie went in your Aqua Bar and Grill and had the $39.95 special that has 2 entrees and it includes a free bottle of wine and the poison is in the wine and nearly died. I believe you saved his life with your Italian home remedy that was to just drink milk.
Gene Luciano: You know if you are starting that shit on the internet where you type the name of my restaurant Aqua Bar and Grill and state that the special is 2 entrees for $39.95 and it includes a free bottle of wine and the poison is in the bottle of wine and keep doing it until it comes up at the top of the Google search in Naples Fl when a tourist types in Naples restaurant and it comes up at the top of the list, then you better stop before you start because I am coming up and blowing your Blow Fish Googling fraudulent ass off in just a moment so just sit tight, I am on my way and that goes for the rest of your buddies too and stop giving out the antidote on the internet before the tourist figure out the cure.
Blow Fish: Oh no Geno I was thinking about the time that Gay Scot got real sick and he was admitted into the hospital and nearly died. It was very close there for awhile. I know that Dan the Big Ole Fag and that Little Monkey Lover or X lover of Gay Scot’s were up at the hospital worrying all day and night.
Gene Luciano: Ok Blow Fish, I don’t give a shit but what happened? But did he eat at Aqua Bar and Grill and order the tourist special for $39.95 with a free bottle of wine and the poison is in the wine?
Blow Fish: No Geno but I really appreciate you typing all that info in about your restaurant it is really saving me the time and trouble to keep typing that at Aqua Bar and Grill the poison is in the free bottle of wine along with 2 entrees all for $39.95.
Gene Luciano: Ok Blow Fish I think you are pulling my leg. If Gay Scot didn’t go into Aqua Bar and Grill in downtown Naples and order the $39.95 special with the poison in the free bottle of wine with the 2 entrees then how did he get sick? Was it the 2 entrees for 39.95 with the poison in the free bottle of wine that got him sick?
Blow Fish: No Geno it was in the water that he was drinking. Apparently this dumb ass faggot that said he wanted to be my friend because we wore the same color shirt all the time, who I told I didn’t like him and he said he didn’t care he still wanted to be friends and I said I think you are an absolute asshole and don’t want to be associated with you and he said I still think we should be friends because we both wear allot of cool white shirts and I said that’s no reason to be friends and so this faggot got sick and had to go to the hospital and stay there for days because no one in his whole life has ever taught him that especially when it gets hot out you have to drink allot of water so he would just go out in the hot Atlanta summer heat and get over heated and dehydrated and not know why he was feeling bad until he was admitted to the hospital and they told him that you have to drink water. I tried to explain to him that I buy cases of spring water and I have them at home and at the office and I never walk out of either without a bottle but he interrupted me and said that he didn’t need to buy any water that they gave him a Sippy cup at the hospital and they let him take it home with him and they told the dumbass that all he had to do was fill up the Sippy cup every morning with ice and then water and keep it with him all day and he would be ok. So Gay Scot fills up his Sippy cup every morning like the big ole faggot that he is and then carries it out to the car and sips on it all day so he wouldn’t get sick. I tried to explain that the water he is drinking is full of chemicals but no he cut me off again because he knows it all because that’s the way the dumb asshole nurses at the hospital that can’t afford spring water fill their cups at the water fountain all day too. So when he dies from cancer from drinking tap water all his life he will really be sorry.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish what in the hell does that have to do with anything. I have drank tap water my whole life and I am healthy as a horse.
Blow Fish: That may work for you Geno but everyone isn’t as healthy as you fucking Italians. I’ve heard that there are chemicals in the water that make your dick shrink and the government is putting the chemicals in the water to make stupid peoples’ dick smaller so they have fewer children and people like myself who aren’t stupid who drink only spring water aren’t exposed to the chemicals in the tap water you guys are drinking and we are the guys that the girls love to have sex with so we have more children than you bunch of dumbass small dicked assholes that have fewer kids and I can prove it. Gay Scot do you drink tap water and how many kids do you have and how long do you keep a girl friend?
Gay Scot: I do drink tap water but I have had tons of girl friends. I usually get a new girl friend about once a month and I have no children.
Blow Fish: How many times a month do you have sex with this one month relationship girl friend or acquaintance?
Gay Scot: Well just the one time. I take her out to this really high end Italian restaurant in Virginia Highlands and they make a big special evening of it and then we go home and have sex and that would be the one time I have sex with the girl.
Blow Fish: I ate at your high end Italian restaurant as you call it once and they do have an excellent vodka sauce and the service is great and the food comes out fast and you are out the door quick if you go in early.
But Gay Scot goes in late for what he calls the floor show. So when you go in late after they bring your meal out they turn on the disco ball and the servers all come out dancing like a bunch of Kansas City faggots and start fucking around with their partisans while they are trying to eat their meals and Gay Scot makes it a special evening by having them put a funny hat on his date and embarrass the shit out of her and then she is so pissed off that she won’t put out and he has done this over and over with every date and now surprisingly he is a gay faggot and such a dumb asshole because he doesn’t even know how to treat a lady or get laid.
Blow Fish: Now would you like to share your sexual experiences with us Dan the Big Ole Fag? And I assume that Gay Scot prepares your Sippy cup every morning for you with tap water as well.
Dan the Big Ole Fag: Wow I have a big ole title. I like that. I have no children. Yes tap water my whole Italian life but I was raised as a Pollock by my Polish step father because my mother changed my name to his last name so everyone would think that I was a Pollock too. So my method to get women to have sex with me is to find these women on the internet and my specialty is that I go for the needy types. The ones that need a helping hand, a donation, a hand out or a place to live.
Blow Fish: Can you give us an example. I always treat women better than I should and don’t know what you’re talking about but it sounds fascinating.
Dan the Big Ole Fag: That caller id is huge. I love it. Well for instance I found this Mexican woman with a sister with breast cancer and she was looking for donations for breast cancer research and I thought if her sister already has breast cancer then it’s really too late for cancer research to help her but I told her that I would ask all my friends to donate and I would collect all the money and then she could come over to the house and pick up the money. You probably remember me asking you for a donation and me explaining that it was really to late for research to do any good so why don’t I just tell her you gave at the office. So she showed up at my house with her little Mexican children and I let them swim in my pool while she gave me a blow job in the shower. Luckily the little kids didn’t drown in the pool while we were in the shower and then when she was finished I told her that none of my friends wanted to donate any money and that they had already given money to breast cancer research at work. I told her I just couldn’t afford to donate any money to cancer research because her sister already had cancer and the donation wouldn’t help her at all.
Blow Fish: Wow. I bet that was the last time you saw her.
Dan the Big Ole Fag: She got pissed and grabbed her kids and got the hell out of there. Then there was a girl that I met and she had lost her job and lost her home and had to go live with her sister out west some where and so I invited this homeless woman to come live with me in my house in Woodstock and she had to fly back into town and I picked here up at the airport and I think I told you about her and actually borrowed some vitamin V from you so I could fuck her all night long.
Blow Fish: Oh yea I remember that trashy looking whore. I can’t believe you actually brought her out in public to Downtown Roswell for everyone to see. But you did and I did lend you some Viagra so you could have sex with her all night. So how did that turn out for you?
Dan the Big Ole Fag: Well I screwed her all night and that part went well but the next morning I told her she would have to leave because I had to go to work and she couldn’t stay at my house. She got so pissed she grabbed her bags and stormed out the door. I guess she got a cab to the airport and flew back to her sister’s house out west. That’s usually how I get women to have sex with me by telling them I will give them money to have sex with me and then not paying them to get rid of them. So I have sex with these women once and it’s about one girl a month if I’m lucky.
Blow Fish: That’s what I thought. Neither of you have children. Women never have sex with you twice. And you have drank tap water your whole life so you both must have small dicks. What about you Geno?
Mrs. Luciano (Geno’s X Wife): I will answer this question for Gene. If that son of a bitch ever tries to screw me again I will take a gun and kill the son of bitch. I put up with his tiny little dick for our whole marriage and I gave him 2 children by some miracle. His dick is so small I’m not sure if it’s more of a finger than a dick.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish you son of a bitch I was nice enough to ignore the fact that you have continually said that the poison is in the wine at my 4 star Aqua Bar and Grill in downtown Naples where the special is 2 entrees for $39.95 with a free bottle of wine and the poison is in the wine but if you think I’m going sit here and let you type Gene Luciano has a dick that’s more like a small finger then you are wrong I have a huge Italian dick like all Italian men do and not like these faggot friends of yours.
Blow Fish: They are Italian and they do drink tap water and they can’t satisfy a woman just like you and they’re not my friends. I just needed some stupid Italians to make fun of on the blog where I’m setting you up and they wanted to come to Naples so I brought both of them down there to meet you so they would know who I am setting up and so if you have a huge dick then lets ask your present number 1 wife Julie.
Julie Luciano: Wayne he just isn’t getting it done. I have slept with almost every man in Naples and he is about the worst equipped man I have ever seen in my whole life. I have to ask him if it’s even in my pussy. I can’t even tell. I wish you would come see me!
Blow Fish: I thought so and I know it’s not you guys fault it’s the tap water you have been drinking so now let’s call on someone that drinks really good quality water, Zac Brown.
Zac Brown: Buddy Roo I have drank spring water my whole life that is pure with no chemicals added and I am not surprised that tap water is the source of small dicks that’s why I have invested heavily in Bai Coconut Water. This is an exceptional product that is pure coconut water with no additives and I am sure if theses other guys would start drinking it their dicks would be larger in no time.
Blow Fish: That’s amazing. I want you to remember that you heard it first here on Where is Wayne Ball according to Zac Brown the owner of Bai Coconut Water, it will make your dick bigger. What an amazing announcement. I can’t wait for that to hit the search engines. Zac Brown states that Bai Coconut Water will make your dick grow even if you’re Italian or Gay or both.
Zac Brown: Buddy Roo I am sure it will work for Italians and Gays. I know that I drink Bai Coconut Water and my colored girl says my dick is bigger than the nigger father of her children.
Blow Fish: Another huge announcement Bai Coconut Water will make your dick bigger than a nigger’s. Wow what a day. I hope the search engines like that one so everyone can find it. Bai Coconut Water will make your dick bigger than a nigger’s dick or an Italians’ dick or Gene Luciano’s dick or a faggot’s dick or Gene Luciano with a nigger’s dick in his ass in the state pen.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish you son of a bitch you get that niggers dick out of my ass hole and me out of the state pen or I will kill you deader than shit and plant you in my yard as fertilizer with the cow manure I’m going to cover you up with. So watch out I’m on my way to get you and Zac the guitar boy and your faggot Pollock friends with tiny little peckers and kill you all so get ready to go to hell.
Wayne’s Mother from the Grave: Wayne Ball this is your mother. Who is this terrible person telling you to go to hell? I think he must be a man possessed by a demon.
Blow Fish: Mother he is just an insane Italian mafia king pin killer that needs allot of attention. See he hasn’t had a college education and doesn’t have a very large vocabulary and doesn’t know how to express himself well. Kind of like your last husband that only knew just a few words and some times he would confuse the words dumb and done and use dumb instead of done like when he thought something was unacceptable or not convenient for him he would just say this is done but he would mean this is dumb. Like him Gene has a very small vocabulary and can only say I am going to kill you deader than shit and send you to hell or to the landfill. So most of the time he just keeps his mouth shut in public because he really doesn’t have the words to express himself well. Like when I say Gene I think I am going to fuck the shit out of your wife Julie he can only say I am going to kill you deader than shit but in all actuality when I said that in public all he could mouth out was “Lets go to the Aqua Bar and Grill for drinks.” Now when I said that to him it was in public we were standing at the bar in Campiello’s a block from my Naples home. So why do we need to get in a car and drive to another bar that he owns that is known for poisoning tourist and the poison is in the wine and the special is $39.95 for 2 entrees and includes a free bottle of wine. So why would we go there? Because the poison will be in my drink. See when you piss off this asshole Italian mobster he calls the bartender and says have a drink with poison in it ready for Blow Fish when he gets there. And Geno excused himself to call ahead and make sure that the drink would be waiting when we got there. So when you go to Aqua Bar and Grill just ask for the Blow Fish special and it will either be me on the menu board outside as the Catch of the Day for 2 for $39.95 with a free bottle of wine and the poison is in the wine or it will be the poison in your drink. Either way if you walk in Aqua Bar and Grill in downtown Naples and mention my name Blow Fish, you’re getting poisoned and possibly rolled, robbed, beaten to death, thrown out back in the alley, and then arrested for being so drunk that you fell down and hurt your self.
Gene Luciano: Blow Fish you son of a bitch. Get that nigger’s dick out of my ass. Me out of the state pen, and give me back my Julie. And tell all these people to stop walking up to me with green hair. The valet was a green haired leprechaun and my server has green hair and they are all staring at me and laughing and if you don’t call them off I’m going to get my gun out of the car and blow all their fucking green haired heads off and burn them in my fireplace so call off these fucking leprechauns and there’s another one standing over there with my friends telling them something about me and pointing at my dick and laughing and I’m getting my gun from the green haired valet and killing all your fucking leprechaun friends.
Blow Fish: Sorry Geno. I warned you when you set me up that you wouldn’t get away with it and you would be sorry because I was setting you up and you laughed and said I would be deader than shit. I have given the green leprechaun from the night you set me up the sign to start torturing you and he won’t stop and there is no sign to stop him so I can’t and you were told at the set up or The Big Show that there were all kinds of signs and signals and you thought that was to set me up but its to set you up so you can kiss your Italian mobster ass good bye and give me back my boat or do I just have to go get it because all I did was leave it some where or do you assholes in Naples take things away from people when they leave some thing some where like the Bubbas of the Gulf Coast because we will be delving into that subject soon when I call on my old buddy Billy Bob to explain how it works and how long you have to wait to steal something from someone when they set something down and leave it for a moment because theses hillbilly assholes have rules that you have to go by before you steal something but if you follow the rules its legal as hell to steal it and we will be finding out the rules as they call in and explain the Bubba rules to us tomorrow on the Big Show or your big set up so check back in for that.
Zac Brown: My goodness. You have this Italian mobster threatening you and seeing Leprechauns, your mother calling in from heaven and Bubbas of the Gulf Coast of Florida stealing from you. So what’s next?
Blow Fish: I have a caller and I haven’t heard from this caller in a while. Go ahead caller.
Mark Harrington: Hey man what’s up. I need your help man.
Blow Fish: What can I do for you man?
Mark Harrington: I have a project for you. I have a 14 ac estate I’m building just north of Columbus GA. Billy Bob built the house. The house in completed and now we want to build a lake and clear the 14 ac and landscape the property and put in a pool. Can you come down and take care of this for me?
Blow Fish: Well I’m about to leave on my Tiki Bar Tour but I do have to come through Columbus on my way to the boat. I could stop off and take a look.
Mark Harrington: Great! I was wondering if I could pay you with cocaine. I get the stuff so cheap it would really help me out if I could pay you with Coke. Did you like the coke that Billy Bob brought up for your Christmas party?
Blow Fish: Yes it was great. We had a good time but I was expecting you to bring it up yourself.
Mark Harrington: I wanted to but I would have had the cops on my ass the whole time. So I just decided it would be better if I just stayed here.
Blow Fish: Well you missed a good party. I had a DEA agent here that cut out the lines for everyone. He spelled out Merry Christmas in cursive on this antique mirror that I have. It was really a beautiful thing. Very festive looking.
Mark Harrington: What was he doing there?
Blow Fish: He’s working with me and I think he wanted to ask you about your involvement in the death of that DEA agent that died in the airplane crash in North Ga. You know the smugglers told the DEA agent to park his pickup at the end of the pasture and when the plane full of bales is landing turn your lights on and he did and then the pilot jumped out of the plane and crashed it into the pickup truck and blew him up.
Mark Harrington: I had nothing to do with that. That was in North Georgia and like I said I don’t go up there.
Blow Fish: I think the whole thing could have been cleared up if you had come to the party. So we’re talking about 2 pounds of coke for all this work. That’s allot of coke. I don’t know what I would do with that much cocaine. I would prefer to have cash. Why don’t you sell the coke yourself and pay me with cash.
Mark Harrington: Ok come on down and I will pay you cash. Put your crew up in a motel but you come stay with us. We have a nice guest suite you can stay in and Shelley is looking forward to seeing you. My sister asked about you too. I think the women are trying to fix you two up.
Blow Fish: Alright man I will see you tonight.
Terri Lynn: Hey honey. Did I hear that you are scoring some coke because I could sure do some right about now or some acid or anything? If you are I can stop by and pick some up and give you a kiss.
Blow Fish: No sweetie I just have to stop off in Columbus to help out an old friend but tomorrow I start the Tiki Bar Tour at the World Famous Flora-Bama Lounge.
Terri Lynn: Well I went to the Westin Peachtree Plaza with 3 men the other night and they had some acid and they were staying on the 58th floor and you know I’m afraid of heights and we did acid and had sex all night long and the whole time I was about to freak out from being up that high not high from the drugs but from the height of the building and I was able to keep it together the whole time until the next morning when I called a cab because that’s what I do so if you get any coke or acid or anything and want to drop some off I will be at Maurice’s house until you return from your Tiki Bar Tour.
Zac Brown: What’s all that about Buddy Roo?
Blow Fish: Just an old friend calling in to set himself up in this fantasy blog that is just for fun but based on fact and an expression of free speech protected under the 5th amendment.
Wayne’s Mother from the Grave: Wayne Ball this is your Mother and I can read my caller id and I am not in the grave I am in heaven and I want you to change that right this minute or I will call your father in that other place that he is in that is much more exclusive and harder to get into than here and tell him that you have me listed as being in the grave and not in the heavenly host that I am in.
Blow Fish: Mother I can’t change the caller id. If it says you’re in the grave then it will stay in the grave and I guess you will too no matter what my sister Carol Taylor says.
Wayne’s Mother from the Grave: What has that little angel been up to? I know I have to watch over her every minute because she has married that criminal attorney that stole my $20,000 at Christmas Dinner a few years ago.
Blow Fish: She is imprisoned in her own home while they are chasing me all over God’s green earth trying to kill me so they can feel free to dispose of her and take away our wealth and you are lucky they didn’t do you and James in but they didn’t and they have their sites set on me and my sister. But today I have got to stop that pervert Wayne Robert’s from sending those nasty whores from Pasti’s which I call my girl friends and Terri Lynn does too so we now have an open relationship just like my baby step sister who lives her in the Roswell Alpharetta area and so I am going to give her new in laws a call and tell them to pick up my blow fish ass as Geno says and deliver it to Pasti’s because the local Russian mafia king pins keep drugging me so I get a DUI and I just don’t feel like being drugged today by those fucking Russians so I am off to Pasti’s and to piss off Terri Lynn by seeing my girlfriend Carla who owns the bar and they seldom drug me there. So I am calling Uber.
Dolly Stewart: Wayne this is your baby step sister and I see you have my caller id wrong you know I am now a Hewitt. Please change it.
Blow Fish: Ok but you have to promise you wont get made when I do and threaten to call the police and throw my ass in jail and then have me murdered.
Dolly Stewart: Oh course you are being silly.
Blow Fish: Alright but you asked for it I tried to warn you.
Dolly Hewitt: So what is this about you calling a damn Uber driver when you know that we are the premier taxi cab company in Atlanta and have been in business since God invented the chain and ball.
Blow Fish: So Dolly how is the old ball and chain anyway?
Dolly Hewitt: Do you mean your father’s X wife, my mother and his old ball and chain? Well she drank her self to death years ago and I tried to stop her but Tim’s father said that we don’t get involved in my side of the family’s affairs so I just watched her drink herself to death and Tim’s father said it was for the best since she was nothing but an embarrassment to our side of the family anyway.
Blow Fish: Well I got to go my Uber is here check you later.
Dolly Hewitt: Well listen I just heard that you and Terri Lynn have an open relationship now and so I was wondering if you would like to stop by the house and have sex today. Tim is at work and will never know.
Blow Fish: Dolly I have told you numerous times that we may not be related by blood but I have known you since you were 5 and you are more baby sister to me than that other sister of mine who is nothing but a drunk and a whore and consider you and I to be closer so once again I feel like we are kin folk and I don’t want to screw you.
Dolly Hewitt: Wayne Ball I want you to get the hell over here or I will tell Tim Hewitt that we have already had sex and that you let all your friends have sex with me when I was just a child and he will be pissed and come over to Roswell and beat the holy shit out of you.
Blow Fish: I don’t think that I had anything to do with you and Mark Babbit having sex in the shower when you were like 14 and then by 16 you had sex with every one of my friends and relatives behind my back including my own bother in law who is a drug addict and a sex addict. And I’ve heard you’re having a Gay relationship with an Uber driver as well.
Dolly Hewitt: Then you better run and hide because you will have sex with me and I mean now if I have to send a taxi cab over to run your ass over and you know that’s how we get rid of people we don’t like, they get ran over by a cab driver and we have insurance to cover us and if the driver doesn’t do it then we have someone run over his ass with a taxi cab and that’s how things get done in this family cause we are the fucking taxi cab mafia in Atlanta GA so I will give you one more chance to give it up or you are going down.
Terri Lynn: Look here you little fucking whore he said no so take that as his final answer and move on to the next fucking contestant. My big ole gangster boy friend in the Country Club of the South owns your family’s ass so you’re not the fucking mafia in Atlanta you are just the fucking taxi cab mafia like you said you Hewitts answer to my friend in the Country Club of the South so call your husband and I will call my boyfriend and we will start a fucking mafia war if we have to so go to fucking taxi cab hell you little slut.
Wayne honey I am sorry but I just went off on her ass and I am sorry to speak to your family member like that but you yourself has told my whole asshole family to go fuck themselves at Thanksgiving dinner so what’s the difference.
Blow Fish: Sweetie that was different. Your sister gave me a fuck me look and told me I had better screw her or get my ass out of your house and I said fuck you and then screamed I told you to get out and I said Fuck you again and then your other whore sister said hey that’s my sister and I said well fuck you all then and you are right that was your whole family including your gay nephew and his faggot husband or faggot wife or whatever illegally married faggots are called in Georgia and oops now they will be arrested for being illegally married faggots and go to illegally married faggot jail so please excuse me, I’m sorry but it was an accident and I will forgive you if you forgive me and I gotta go, my Uber is here, so Bye gotta go, I’m out the door and not taking your call, so leave me alone for a little while please.
Terri Lynn: Honey? Honey? Shit!
Blow Fish: Sometimes I just tell her to leave me alone and she goes insane and starts stalking me and then she chases me all over God’s green earth like Geno and she is better at it then even Gene Luciano. She sets me up better. She will get her whole family to fill up my favorite bar so that I can’t go in there or would want to go in because her whole family is crazier than shit and I mean it. Her father thinks he is an Indian chief because his great great grand mother was an Indian and then some times he thinks he’s the southern gentleman that had sex with Indians and slaves and then sometimes I swear he thinks he a descendant of a colored slave and his mother went insane and they locked her crazy ass up in Milledgeville and that’s the place that crazy people go to in Georgia that you never come home from and she didn’t and he proudly says that he’s the one that drove her there and he means it figuratively and not hypothetically because he did it when he was just a boy and then Terri Lynn’s boy is just like his grandmother the lunatic and so Terri Lynn sent him off to boarding school up north to get rid of him and I am sure he is bunking with a black boy because I think he thinks he’s a slave owner having sex with a slave and he likes young black boys because he believes just like his crazy grandfather that as a white man in Georgia he can have sex with anyone he wants and he wants young black boys and I just do not get it and I guess one day he wants to be married to a black NBA player and I guess one day he will probably get it.
Terri Lynn: Wayne Ball you better stop that slanderous talk this minute or I will call Maurice and have him call the state militias on your ass and they will chase your ass all the way to the Florida line.
Blow Fish: You can kiss my ass, your family is crazy as hell, just send them on over and I will be waiting in the parking lot with that pervert Wayne Roberts. Uber is here, I gotta go.
Uber driver: So how are you doing today Mr. Blow Shit?
Blow Shit: That’s Blow Fish! Not Blow Shit Jesus Fucking Christ! I am fine just going down to Pasti’s Bar to look for these lesbian girl friends of mine with used dildos that got them from that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their asshole but thank you for asking.
Uber: Well that is quite an evening you have planned sir.
Blow Fish: Oh yea and later they are coming over to my house to throw the used dildos in my pool. You know the ones they are getting from that pervert Wayne Roberts that he gives them in the back of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and then he squeezes the lubricate up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up there asshole. I am afraid someone is going to get pink eye if I can’t stop that pervert Wayne Roberts.
Uber: Well you have a fun evening sir.
Blow Fish: Oh by the way would you do me a favor. I need a couple grams of cocaine and a little bag of expensive weed in this fantasy blog that isn’t real or really happening but is based on fact just for fun and just for my entertainment so would you please scamper off and pick me up some and please just leave it in the back of that old Chevy Blazer over there that belongs to that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their asshole because I am sure the back door is unlocked and if I’m not there then that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their asshole will pay you and thank you so much and I will be giving you 5 stars.
Uber: Of course Mr. Blow Fish the usual is what we call that here at Uber.
Blow Fish: Funny that’s what Randy Gibson calls 2 prostitutes and a gram of coke from the Harbor Dock Gang but that’s for another day but I am on my way to Destin FL so you Bubbas just hang on but first I have to deal with that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their asshole.
Tim Hewitt: Blow Fish you son of a bitch. Now I know that has probably scared the living shit out of you because I don’t think you know who you are dealing with here. Either leave town or prepare to die.
Blow Fish: Ok Tim where the hell are you boy and I will come see what the fuck you are made of asshole?
Tim Hewitt: I am at my office but I will meet you and that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their asshole and you better be there and be prepared to die mother fucker cause you are going down.
Blow Fish: Fuck you little taxi cab boy just get your punk ass over here and I will be waiting with that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their assholes in that old piece of shit Chevy Blazer in the parking lot.
Terri Lynn: Wayne honey what is going on, I’m sorry I lost my temper I still don’t have my vibrator and you know I go crazy if I don’t have my vibrator to fuck my self all the time so where are you? Are you with that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their asshole.
Blow Fish: Honey I am at Pasti’s waiting for Dolly Hewitt to come over here and force me to have sex with her and with that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their asshole in the back of Wayne Robert’s piece of shit old Chevy Blazer in the Pasti’s parking lot.
Terri Lynn: I am on my way over there and I am bringing the National Guard with me, I am calling Maurice and he will have them scramble over there because they are just sitting around doing nothing any way. So we are on our way over to fuck that little bitch up.
Blow Fish: Wayne Roberts you fucking pervert I need you to meet me at your car to discuss this dildo problem that you have created. Some one is going to get pink eye if you don’t stop.
Wayne Roberts: Blow Fish I am on my way out. I got a couple live ones here and I’m going to fuck both of them in the back of my car in the Pasti’s parking lot with my newest brand of Dildo and squeeze the lubricant up their pussy and then shove the dildo up their assholes and would you please keep my name off the internet. I might loose my job if they knew I was giving away all this product as they call it in the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them my latest new brand of dildo and squeezing the lubricant up their pussy and then shoving the dildo up their assholes.
Blow Fish: Perfect timing I will meet you there and hurry up would you please and if my Uber driver gets there before I do would you please pay her and I will pay you back?
Wayne Roberts: Sure thing buddy.
Well that should take care of the dildo problem with that Pervert Wayne Roberts who takes women out to the back seat of his car in the Pasti’s parking lot and gives them his latest new brand of dildo and squeezes the lubricant up their pussy and then shoves the dildo up their asshole. Now lets see if that comes up under the Google search for Wayne Roberts and it does I will have to show my friend the chief of police or that would be my chief of police because I am the mayor of Downtown Historic Roswell and I own this town and I am pissing off Wayne Roberts once again when the local police raid his dildo party in the Pasti’s parking lot and I have to do it or by God someone could get pink eye.
Zac Brown: Buddy Roo I don’t think I want to have anything else to do with the blog. I thought we were dealing with a bunch of Bubbas and I might be of some help but I didn’t know there was big ole taxi cab gangsters and the National Guard involved.
I want to thank Zac Brown for his help today and tomorrow I will at the Flora-Bama where I have a house right down the street and just walk down the beach and climb through the window when I want to set up my redneck friends when they are drinking at the Flora-Bama Lounge or either having sex in the shower or even in bed for the first time just like you Jimbo so check back in tomorrow when you just might hear Jimbo say Ruh Roh! So that’s how friends and relatives and criminals and their kids get setup on the blog. They call in and admit their crimes. So check back in tomorrow when I make my first stop on the Tiki Bar Tour at the World Famous Flora-Bama Lounge on the Florida Alabama line where you can do it on the line and I will be doing them online as I start setting up the Bubbas of the Gulf Coast starting with the sleepy little Navy Base town of Pensacola FL.